Life's Deepest cuts
by sketzocase
Summary: Reuploaded. Kurt get's in over his head. Chaos ensues. M for language and future situations. Mix of Evo and ultimate x-men . Dark and Angsty.
1. Chapter 1

**so yea... i'mma just put all my stories back up now. Sorry bout that. lol **

**oh this one gets bumped up to 'm' cuz of language. thanks for reading yall!**

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The fuckers aren't listening to me. Not like that's really anything new.

I've been screaming for an hour- at least- and all it's gotten me so far are a few pity filled glances and about a thousand "it'll be alright's". Maybe it's just me, or maybe the severity situation is making aggressive, but the next person who tells me to calm down is going to get their ass kicked.

I'm beginning to see that there really is no point to my carrying on screaming like this. In fact, as is everything else I've done tonight- it's starting to seem pointless.

So I shut up, probably the first smart move I've made tonight. I need to start getting on defense… I know kids who've gotten this deep into shit and gotten out- it's possible. The trick is to make them think you'll do fine on your own- admit to a little, but not a lot, maybe get a little bit of medication that you take for a day or two and ditch, and (more important than all of the other 'consequences') get off the hook entirely and sleep in my own bed tonight.

I've already gotten several guards of the brutish variety, placed around me during my little screaming fit- so hopefully I can turn this around with a killer performance… I'm sure if I tried I could work up a few tears- play the whole "you don't know what's like to be blue" card that the professor usually falls for. Some bull shit, some minor lies, and shielding like a bitch- and I could be out the door by midnight.

I can't believe I'm in this situation to begin with. In this… place- I'm not even sure what to call it, let alone describe it.

How could I have let my guard this far down? And in front of the professor too- Of all the places I could have fucked up, I had to choose in his presence.

My over caring mentor's hand graces my shoulder; trying to keep the calm silence I've just created or checking to see if I'm still breathing, I'm not sure.

I feel so bad for dragging him out like this- he has better things to be doing than babysitting me.

Then again, as far as the guilt goes, if I'm being honest- we are here by _Charles_ insistence. So maybe it wasn't completely my fault that he was out in sweats and a tee shirt at ten p.m. At least he's not in his nightclothes. They hadn't even gotten me any clothes in our mad rush out of the mansion- great way to show the doctors and nurses here how well cared for I am. Bleeding, stoned, vomiting and barely dressed… Sounds like a good night to me! To bad I won't be enjoying it for much longer. At least that's what I can assume by the professor's side of the conversations he's holding with the unknown person on the other line of the tiny black cell phone in his hand.

Looking around the small waiting room, anxious for some sign that this is all some sort of mistake, a feeling of utter depression sinks over me.

Searching for some hint of distraction, all I see is Kitty. She sits in the green cushioned chair with her pink sweat cover legs crossed at the knee and her gray low cut tank top covered by a baggy pink American Eagle hoody. Blushing virgins modesty is important, after all.

I'm torn, as always, between wanting to get a hard on and wanting to strangle her. On second thought… This may be one of the reasons why I'm in this dark, horrible, place of the dammed.

Kitty looks embarrassed, cheeks flushed and eyes wide. Probably because of my hour long screaming fit. But then if the all mighty over lords of our surprisingly controlled, 'heroic' life styles had threatened to leave her at a psychiatric institute, she would be screaming too.

It's not like I'm in the wrong here. In fact I can see absolutely no reason why I'm being punished like this.

My life is just that- MY life. And if I wanted to end it, that was MY choice. I guess the only real problem professor Xavier had with this was that I didn't use my knife...next time I'll remember to use my own- and I promise that once I get out of here, and I will be getting out of here, I'll try again.

….Then again Logan went all random and took my knives from me a week ago. Talk about ironic.

Another nurse comes into the waiting room; she's got to be the fifteenth one in an hour.

I grudgingly conclude that TV has lied to me. On TV, nurses are dressed in skintight outfits and have professionally done make up and such. In real life, they just look normal. Not the medical sex goddess screwing a doctor in any available room, just the woman taking your information and seeing to it that you don't bleed out on the floor, maintaining your wellbeing and such until you can be seen.

"Can I get you anything?" She smiles too much. Probably over exposure to Barbie dolls during early child hood development.

See? I can do this therapy shit all by myself. Why waste money on paying someone else to do it for me?

The woman in front of us is still smiling. Dragging my undying hate towards her. Who could possibly be happy in a psych ward's waiting room?

Maybe the Professor... but he's trying to get rid of someone so that doesn't count.

"No thank you." The two "sane" people answer in unison. They're considered "Sane" because they weren't tripping balls or bleeding. I rock my head backwards in an attempt to clear the nausea and think more clearly.

"I'd like to go home" I state confidently, knowing that like all the other times I've asked, I'll be ignored.

She smiles, ignores me as expected, and leaves.

I repeat myself louder. "I said I'd like to go home now."

"I heard you the first time Kurt." Is the response from the professor as he flips his phone shut and stores it in his pocket.

"And yet we haven't moved." I state leaning forward in my green chair, watching the professor fill out pages and pages of paper work on me.

The professor sets his blue eyes on my yellow ones. "You honestly think that I'm taking you home after you've done this?" He motions to the blood stained gauze wrapped around my wrists and up my arms. I remain silent, not wanting another logic lesson like the one we had in the van.

Nurse smiley goes back to her desk and happily types away at her computer. Smiling to herself, cheerfully typing... this woman looks more like patient than an employee. Maybe that's the joke. The fact that even the sane people here are looking insane.

Sure, I've been hearing and seeing shit… but that doesn't make me crazy- does it? It could be stress… an over active immigantion- random bouts of day dreaming! Any normal, rational reason could explain it!

Just because I can't come out with a solid, proven explanation doesn't mean that they have any reason to to lock me away. Isn't that like a violation of my rights?

Speaking of Employees and sanity, Saint Vincent hospital has not impressed me in that department. I've seen several doctors so far, none of them lingering in the lobby. (Though that one when we first got here had asked the Professor if I was a diagnosed psychotic or allergic to any medications... but I doubted that the pretty woman would be my doctor) And the wait is nerve racking, to top that off.

"Are you feeling well?" Xavier questions, looking up knowingly from his paper work.

I shake my head a few times. "I think I'm going to be sick." Damn telepaths.

"Again?" The professor turns to the security man beside me. "Kurt's going to be ill… what do we do about that?"

A large black man walks over to us and motions for me to give him my hand. "Come on, kid. Get movin'. You don't wanna sit here in vomit."

Against my better judgment I give the man my hand and let him take me off to the bathroom. Once we're past the doors, he gently pushes me towards the floor, resting my head against the porcelain alter.

"I don't wanna rush you, Nightcrawler sir- but your doctor should be here soon. He's gonna want to meet with you… and it's kind of important that you're actually there for the meeting. "

I'd like to say something, but my stomach takes this moment to reject all of its contents.

The man laughs a little. "Kinda said, ain't it? 'The Amazing Nightcrawler' having to have someone else walk with him into a bathroom.. God forbid you'd have to take a shit- that would have been humiliating."

I finish wretching, giving my hand to the large man to help me up.

"There, there kid." The man coos, holding me up as the floor spins up to meet me. He laughs again. "Not feeling very heroic right now, are ya'?"

"Please let me go." I moan, having to lean on his shoulder to keep myself standing. The toilet in front of us makes an overly loud flushing sound, distracting me momentarily.

"Go?" He laughs again, helping me stand straight and then pushing me out the door. "I can't let you go, but I can take you back to your professor…"

"I'll take that."

He nods and takes me back to the waiting room, waiting a few minutes with me while the world spins out of control.

And I'm not talking about the side effects of the drugs- the self-ingested or the power suppressor that was forced into my veins. I think it's more the situations and emotions from tonight and earlier today washing over me in one sick wave after another.

I think the hardest thing about this is that I don't know what's going to happen.

The professor has been talking to me about that. My future.

Little things like "And if the doctor says that it would be best for you to stay with them for a night- or a week or two- that's okay too." He wants me to be prepared for the fact that I might not be leaving with them tonight.

I want him to be prepared for my return home later this evening after a wonderful performance with the admissions woman. That's right- Nightcrawler, x-man, artist, and actor.

The waiting room around me is dead silent, the professor flipping the white and green pages attached to the clipboard in his lap being the only sound. It's pea green wallpaper looking somewhat frightening as the shadows from metal chairs and large desks were cast carelessly against them. In a way this small, cold, silent room felt tired. Like it was waiting for us to leave so it could rest. The large metal doors swoosh open and closed, admitting health care professionals of a sorted variety off into their various directions, all of whom are looking tired themselves.

It's a thoughtful place that's ...well making me think. Something I can't really afford at the moment.

Tonight's been all about NOT thinking, just taking care of myself in any way I saw necessary. Unfortunately I've found out that not only am I wrong about how to take care of myself- but that my method is considered "Illegal". I can't believe their taking this so seriously. Kids try to kill themselves all the time, it doesn't mean that they end up here… at least I don't think they do. If so- I've never heard from one of them, so it's safe to assume that once you go in those doors, you don't come out.

Another doctor comes through those scary doors smiling. He looks positively deranged. Like he's getting ready to perform a lobotomy.

"Take me home." I beg as the doctor walks past us to another guy sitting on the other side of the waiting room, his head clutched between his hands. The doctor says something to the boy's worried parents and motions them through the door. "Professor please, I'm really freighted by this place." Keeping down the cursing and acting like a more civilized person might be of some assistance here. "Please- they're going to experiment on me or something- I know it. You can't let me be taken away by them."

"No one will be experimenting on you, Kurt. I've already told you, I know the head of this hospital personally. He's going to take very, very good care of you." The Professor smiles a little. "Just relax. I'm promising you that everything is going to be okay."

Not having any more words I sulk, sliding down into my chair.

The doors open up and another doctor comes though, passing the slowly moving foursome of people. This one looks like he's coming over here…which I don't think would be good for me… in fact I actually kind of like the waiting room.

The man is now standing right over us. "Hello, I'm doctor Williams." The doctor has short military cut black hair and looks kind of Asian, though the western sounding accent says that the Asian part is at least a generation back. "I'm guessing that this is ' The Incredible Nightcrawler' then." Dr. Williams looks at me with a look that could melt ice. "What is it that brings you here?" Those eyes could bore into the mind of any man… I don't feel like I'm going to hold up against them very well.

"He's over reacting." I say- my voice stronger than I thought it'd be as I tilt my head sideways toward the professor. "I really just want to go home now. I'm very sorry for any inconvenience."

Doctor Williams nods and then turns to the professor who motions to my wrists. "He almost bled out in my kitchen. I think I'm untitled to "Over react" a little. I'm sure I've mentioned how he's almost successfully split is arms in half… To be honest I didn't even know that was possible."

"I see." Williams says softly while looking at his clipboard. "Well...Kurt," He looks at me thoughtfully- most people do when they learn my true name, squinting at me to see if it fits, "I'm going to ask you a few questions before we continue with anything else tonight, okay? Just answer me honestly and we'll try to see what's going on here."

The childlike tone in his voice is almost enough to make me want to punch him… almost. But I need this fucker on my side.

I twitch a little in my chair. "What kind of questions?"

The Asian like man pulls over a chair and sits in front of me, hunched a little with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him. "For starters I'd like to know what prompted this." those hands motion to the dark red stained gauze ending just shy of my white sleeve that reaches my elbow.

Sighing I run my hands through my hair, sending stinging sensations all over my arms and hands. "I don't know."

His eyebrow arches as he writes something on his board. "You don't know? You've taken a knife to your arm with absolutely no motive whatsoever- and you're okay with that?"

Trying to think up an answer he wants to hear I say, "I was curious. I wanted to know what cutting was like."

The doctor in front of me nods. "But you see Kurt, what you did wasn't an ordinary cut. We wouldn't be behaving like this if it were. You've managed to seriously injure yourself in a life threatening fashion. That's self-mutilation. You understand this don't you?"

"It was a one time thing Doctor, I promise. Really I just want to go home. I'll do what ever it takes to get there." Thinking quickly I suggest, "Maybe sign a contract or something promising not to do it again… would that work?"

Williams nods again. "I see." His hands scribble down something. "And have you been depressed at all these last few months?"

Shit. Apparently my suggestions don't mean much here. "Not any more than a normal teenager would be. I mean I've been stressed-" I can feel the Professor tense beside me at my lie. He had been trying to talk to me about my "emotional distance" for a few months now- I'm sure that he would have eventually diagnosed it as depression as well. "But that's understandable, I mean I do kind of save the world on a day to day basis. When you look past that I'd like to think I'm an absolutely normal teenager."

"Normal teenagers don't slit their arms into two pieces." Williams says pointedly before turning to the Professor. "Have you noticed any changes in Kurt's behavior? Attitude, changes in diet, grades dropping, loss of interest in activities- anything along those lines?"

Leaning forward in his wheel chair the professor nods. "His attitude has defiantly changed. Kurt's usually very friendly, very energetic. Lately he's been shutting everyone out, becoming cold and overly disrespectful. He doesn't behave in ways normal for him-"

Shit. Shit. Shit. There's no way he'd noticed all of that. I had my mask up all of the time around him. All of the time. There's no way in hell I missed that many cracks. My performance was flawless- I made sure of it.

"And this is a drastic change?" the Doctor asked curiously, crossing his left leg over his right knee and laying the clipboard down in the newly formed spot.

Professor Xavier nods again. "It has been a point of concern."

"How long would you say these changes have been occurring?"

The professor sits in thought for a few anxiety-ridden seconds before saying "Five months at the least. I figured he was just adjusting to the older teenage years in the beginning, but lately it's become obvious that something is wrong."

Williams turned back to me. "And you've noticed these changes too, haven't you Kurt? I'm sure that's made you very distant. Like you don't know how to connect to people anymore? Is that some of what's running through your head right now?"

I sallow a little loudly, and try to think of something to say. Something this man wants to hear. When I open my mouth- nothing comes out. I feel like I'm going to be sick again. ON top of that, my mind is buzzing- like hearing an insect or something on the inside of my skull. It's annoying… and as soon as I try to focus on the annoyance, it fades away, as if it doesn't want me to know it's there.

The doctor just smiles and writes some more notes. "From what I'm gathering, the proof being that you've obviously made an attempt on your own life-you're not happy, are you Kurt? You aren't relating like you used to and it's driven a bit of a gap between where you and those around you, am I close?"

"No." I say before I can stop myself. "I connect fine." I can't stop myself from thinking that someone in our little conversation is working an angle… and I know it isn't me.

Williams looks at me pointedly. "I saw the way you reacted when the professor here was telling me what he's noticed over the last few months. You were terrified. Why did you react like that?"

"I don't-"

"You do know." The doctor said quickly, looking at me with deep brown eyes- like he was seeing through my soul. "I absolutely hate it when people respond with "I don't know". It's your mind, your feelings- you know what's going on here. Leaving us out of the loop will only make this task harder."

"I want to go home." I whimper in the face of this man's grilling.

"We'll see if you can go home after you answer my questions." Williams says looking to the security guards in a knowing fashion and then smiling when he sees my puzzled look. "Why did you react like that?" He questions again.

"I-"

"If you want to go home you need to answer these questions so I can see that you're well enough too." He leans forward. "I'm trying to help you, Kurt. Answer my questions so I can help you."

Sighing, I finger my tail, trying not to look at my mentor sitting beside me. "I didn't know that he'd seen all of that." I say only because I know it's what the doctor wants me to. I'm good at giving people the stories they actually want to hear… it's an art that I've perfected.

"So you admit that what the professor said was true then?" Williams asked, eyes glinting.

My eyes go wide in shock, gaining a small smirk from the man across from me. "No- no, that's not what I meant to say."

"But it's what you said."

"But I didn't mean to!" More panic. "What I meant was that I didn't know that my actions had come across to him as they did…"

"You've been scripting this whole conversation haven't you?" Dr. Williams presses while looking down at his clipboard.

"No- I-" I have to sallow again, " I don't know what you're talking about."

"Professor Xavier and I have both been listening to your thoughts for the last few minutes." He says without looking up. "Including the ones where you were discussing your 'acting'."

My mouth gaps open, a hole large enough for someone to drive a truck through. Fuck them! Fuck them both- how could they do that to me? I have rights, damn it! Instead of saying all of this, I settle for, "Why would you do that?"

Williams leans forward again. "It's a procedure I like to do with mutants admitted here, a safety precaution really. Professor Xavier asked to be the telepathic in charge of it out of courtesy to your privacy. If he hadn't Miss. Smithson-," he points to a blond woman standing behind the blue nurse's station, talking to Nurse smiley, "would have done it."

Words can't describe the shock of giving a nearly perfect performance and having it torn to shreds by a telepathy session you weren't invited to join.

"You've been trying to give me the answers you thought I wanted to hear. That just tells me that you're manipulative."

Tears actually find their way down face, hot tracks along my cheeks- I did not mean for that to happen. I'm blaming it on my little trip to the bathroom, vomiting left me weak or some shit. "I'm not, I'm not. I swear that I'm not. Really I just want to go home. I'm tired-" the eyes of both adults are one me intently. "I want to go to bed." I mumble, my words falling on their deaf ears.

"Kurt, you're not going to want to hear this and your not going to like hearing it, but I think that maybe you're in a little over your head." The doctor states flipping through his clip board. "And you need help."

The nurses and janitors go about their jobs like they didn't hear this, like the world hasn't stopped moving for them like it has for me. "Can I get help at home?" I mumble looking to the professor for support. "Maybe some weekend program shit?"

"Not the kind you need. When I was speaking with the professor, and he was telling me in more detail about what has been going on with you lately, I noticed some disturbing signs and I'd like to observe you for a while."

"I'm not staying here. " I say, quickly. "I'm not sick!"

"Mentally Kurt, you are very sick. And you're only getting sicker."

The room starts spinning and soon the Professor's hand in on my shoulder again, a steadying weight. "Are you okay?" He asks sincerely as I lean my head into my hands, hiding my face from this doctor and his stupid ideas.

"Are you understanding this Kurt?" The man asks softly. "I know this is a shock, and we'll give you some time to recollect yourself, but your going to have to come with me."

"I want to stay with the Professor." I moan through the darkness I've created over my eyes.

"But you're going to have to come with me." Williams says, his voice becoming a little softer as he stands to his feet, seeming miles and miles away instead of the short distance from my knees to his feet.

Kitty, who I just remembered was here- showing how distracted I am- looks down at her feet before looking back at the professor. "Kurt's not coming home with us?"

"No I'm afraid that Kurt can't go home." Dr. Williams slowly answers for Xavier. "He cannot be trusted on his own, so he'll have to stay here the hospital until we can get him to a point where he can take care of himself."

More tears leaked from my tired and blood loss strained eyes. "Please don't do this to me."

The professor gently patted my back. "It's going to be okay. You'll see that you are going to be completely fine."

"Why are doing to this?" I ask, voice ragged from grief.

Williams looks at the professor, a quizzical look on his face. "Charles, you don't think he's going to be any trouble, do you? If he's going to be making a scene on our way back, I'll have to go and get a straight jacket. I can't take the chance of him hurting another patient."

The professor shakes his head. "He's just a little upset, once you start to take him back there, I'm betting he'll be far too shocked to do anything drastic."

"I'm sitting right here!" I yell, exasperated at there blatant disrespect for me.

"We know you're here Kurt." Xavier states, voice smooth as oil sliding over melting ice. "We're giving you the chance to calm down and..."

"Process." Williams says, supplying a word for the professor.

The professor nods, gratefully. " We're giving you time to process the information and calm down."

"I am fucking calm!" I snap.

"Watch the language Kurt." The professor warns. "I've talked to you about 'dropping the "f" bomb' as it were. It's not polite."

"You're leaving me in this hell hole and you expect me to give a fuck about what's POLITE or not?" I shake my head. "That's bullshit, and you know it."

"So that straight jacket…" Williams asks, staring at me skeptically.

The Professor nods a little. "Keep it in mind."


	2. Chapter 2

"Nothing bad is going to happen, Kurt. You've got my word on this."

I slam my head against the wall behind me in frustration. "You don't know that professor! You don't look like I do- You don't know how they'll treat me once you're gone!"

That's right- pity me. See it through my eyes. Feel bad, turn around, and take me home. Then- keep feeling bad and give me a few days off from training.

"I've already told you- I know the man who runs this hospital. He's given me his word that you'll be taken care of in the same ways as the other patients. Your group therapy will be both with mutants and humans a like, your activities will be handled in the same manner- I really don't know what you want me to tell you here Kurt." The man looks at me, sincerity in his eyes. "You're talking in circles now because you don't like what I'm saying."

Sighing I sit for a few moments, trying my best to think while staring at the tiles at my feet. The only thing that drags my attention back to the scene at hand is the sound of the door on the other side of the room opening and closing in quick procession.

Doctor Williams comes back and puts a strong hand on my shoulder. "It's time to go now Kurt."

"No- wait!" Everyone freezes at the loud desperation in my voice. "Just wait." Let's think on this. What will get me out of trouble? "Please, listen to me for a minute. There's been some kind of mistake…it wasn't supposed to happen like this. I'm sure I can explain everything tomorrow morning when I'm rested. Also I swear that it won't happen again."

William's dark brown eyes land on my yellow ones, mocking me with their hidden knowledge. "I know this isn't how it was supposed to happen." Williams leans down in front of me, pushing the blue hospital standard wheel chair behind him out of the way by leaning it up against one of the chairs in the row across from us. "If this had gone like you planned you wouldn't be speaking to me right now, would you?"

"Enough of this foolishness Kurt- you need to go with Dr. Williams." The professor states tiredly.

"Professor, please!" I say loudly. " I'm begging you not to do this to me. You know how I am… Think about the team!" I gasp in sudden realization. "What will the team do with out me?"

Williams unfurled the wheel chair, silently giving us the space we needed.

"I've discussed this with you as much as I'm going to. The team is going to be fine, I promise. We'll muddle on until you can resume your duties." The man who'd taken me in, given me a home, was now trying his hardest to push me out. I say fuck that. I've worked far too fucking hard to have it all taken away from me because I did something stupid and got caught.

"Please-"

The doctor standing over me gently grasped my wrists and pulled me into the wheel chair, faster than my drug-addled mind could track. "Just lean back in here. Just like that. Good. Very good." He cajoles, trying to sound soothing. "We're going to have to get a move on if you want to be in bed by midnight."

His praises just managed to piss me off. I can't believe he was talking to me like that! I'm a fucking hero! I've probably saved his pathetic ass at some point and he has the right to speak to me like I'm an idiot? I don't think so.

"We've got you a room ready Kurt. It's a private one, your being an x-man considered, and all. Now we'll just stop by the medical labs for a few tests and-"

"Professor!" I try to claw my way away from the man in the professor's direction. "I told you! I told you!"

The doctor behind my laughs and pushes me a little further away from the Professor and Kitty. "Just a few tests. It'll be fine. The professor has requested a drug test and I'll need to draw some blood-"

Without a second thought I scoop up some of the red liquid that's making it's way from under my bandages and throw it at him. "There! You have it! Let me go!"

The man does not seemed pleased that I've thrown blood at him, but he doesn't seem to hold anything against the fact that the blood is a mutant's.

"Kurt- that was highly unacceptable."

Tears fall from my eyes. "He asked for it!" This is far more stressful than I'd thought it would be.

"Not like that he didn't." The professor states, turning to Williams. "Kurt's getting a little irrational. He does this mainly when he's tired, we've noticed." He points to my slightly sagging form. "You might need to get him into bed soon."

"Is that true Kurt? Are you feeling a little bit of confusion?"

"Nein." My voice cracks. "I'm not confused at all. I want to go home- there is no confusion in that."

"I see…"

"Professor please…" Tears roll down my cheeks as I face the man, ignoring the doctor in front of me. "This is enough right? I'm scared. I won't do anything again. "

"No Kurt that's not enough."

"It was with Logan!" I scream at him.

A cough directs my attention back to the doctor. "It's time to say goodbye now Kurt."

"Wait! They can't come with me?" My heart was pounding in my chest, my eyes are wide, and my voice is cracked.

Professor Xavier's takes my trembling hand in his. "I'm going to take Kitty home now." He states firmly. "We, the others and myself, will visit you everyday. When you earn your phone privileges, you can call as much as your want. Until then- Goodbye Kurt. Listen to your doctors and try to feel better."

And he and Kitty started to leave. Just like that they headed out of the large metal doors.

When Williams started to move forward, I throw myself to the floor and dart off in the direction they headed. Only to be stopped by the large doors. "Kitty!" I scream as loud as I can, banging on the door. "Kitty please- don't leave me! Kitty!"

Of course I didn't expect Williams to be in shape. He got me in some sort of headlock, helped a lot by the fact that I've lost so much blood today. "Kurt." Williams said softly while pushing me back to the wheel chair. "I'm very sorry that you're not happy with this. It would have been so much easier on you if you had been." He sat me down softly, keeping his arm over my chest for a few seconds. "If you run away again, I will go get a gurney and strap you to it. Do you understand that? I will strap you down and force you down the hall. Then we'll go get the security guards and they can stay with you for the rest of the evening."

With that we're moving, me crying at the sheer horrific fact of being left. Again. "It's okay." Williams says softly while pushing us towards the elevator. "You don't need to cry, it'll be fine. You'll be in good hands here, I promise." Why does everyone keep saying that?

"I want to go home." I whimper as the doors swoosh open.

Williams smiles as he pushes the "third floor" button (they wrote it out in words not numbers...fancy). "Go home? You just got here."

"Doctor- could you please just make an exception this once? I mean I'm an x-man. Shouldn't that have any kind of weight in this situation?"

"No sir." Williams said as the elevator made a disgusting ringing sound. "It will on the other hand make you a target for some...aggression while your here. That's why we're putting you in a more secure ward. There are three other patients in your ward, one young lady, a younger boy and one young man who's currently in between genders. Unfortunately they are all in solitary lock up for the week so you'll be on your own." He rolls me into a room, 317, with white wall paint, a large window that's barred over with iron, three cameras on the ceiling, a small cupboard for clothes, and (of course) a bed with railing running almost completely down both sides.

The walls smooth perfection was marred by a two small circular white plastic things placed over the bed where my head would be going. One had small holes like speakers and the other was some sort of night-light. Beyond that the room was completely empty.

"Do you like it?" The doctor asks playfully while walking over to the circular white thing on the wall. "This is Doctor Williams," He states into the circular box, "Would you mind checking to see if Dr. Johnson is in the third floor med labs?"

"Yes, sir." A female voice answers from the box, scaring the shit out of me.

"Thank you." Williams turns back to me smiling. "It's basically a two way baby monitor. So we can make sure your okay while no one is in the room."

A man in a green shirt comes into the room and hands my black duffel bag that normally lives underneath my clothes hamper in my closet, to the taller man. Poor bag must be surprised about our new surroundings. I sure as Hell know that I am.

"Ms. Munroe dropped this off for you." The doctor said calmly. "Why don't you unpack?"

Refusing to move from the blue chair, I shake my head.

Williams laughs and sets the bag on the bed, unzipping it and pulling out the monochromatic blackness that is my wardrobe.

Opening the cupboard, Williams folded the clothes and placed them neatly in stacks. "You really need to try a little harder to focus on adjusting to this."

Before I can answer the white plastic circle buzzes. "Dr. Williams, the med labs are ready for you."

"Thank you." Williams cheerfully pushes the chair out of the room and down the hallway, passing more rooms filled with more kids waiting for someone to save them from this place.

We stop at a room labeled with "Testing in process." on the door in a yellow sign.

"Okay Kurt, I'm going to try to get you through this as quick as possible. I'm sure your tired-" the doors in front of us are opened by a beautiful African American woman, who smiles radiantly at us.

"Good evening Dr. Williams." She says politely ushering us in. "This must be Nightcrawler." Her eyes land on me, a small hint of pity flashing through them. "My name is Gloria Johnson. I'm in charge of your physical health while you're here."

The room behind her is similar to the med lab back home- three soft looking hospital beds surrounded by shiny tables with movable curtains hanging from the ceiling.

"Let's get you on the bed here." Williams says more to himself while steadying my trembling legs. "Easy does it Kurt." He soothes "Focus on keeping yourself stable."

Dr. Johnson, in her form fitting green turtle neck and black jeans, tisks from behind Williams as the man helps me onto the bed and covers my legs with the thin sheets. "I can see that he's going to need a transfusion."

"His guardian said that he's already had one." Williams says carefully. "But some of the stitches on his arms have popped by now. He's lost a good deal of blood just sitting in the waiting room."

The woman nods. "We can handle that."

Williams makes a noise of affirmation. "I'll leave you to it, then." With that he directs his attention to me. "I'll see you tomorrow Kurt.. try not to give them too hard of a time."

My eyes close heavily as cold alcohol is rubbed down my arm. "Sweetie this is going to hurt a little." Johson's needle plunges into my veins before connecting with the bag hanging from an I.V.

"Kurt your going to feel really sleepy here." the sweet goddess calls through the haze that is my vision. "And that's normal. Everything is going to be fine."

Not needing any more encouragement, I let the drowsiness settle over me.

* * *

"Kurt?" Dr. Jhonson calls over me, the bed I was in is reclined back as far as it will go. "Wake up."

Looking up I'm almost blinded by the bright lights over head. "We're all finished with you in here."

"I can go home now?" I ask a little confused. The professor must be outside… he must have had a change of heart. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed…

A man steps up beside her, his long blond braids falling around his neck. "He's confused, how precious." He looks down at me, shaking his head a little. "No honey, you're not going home. The doctors want you to stick around a little longer."

"I want to-"

"Go to bed?" The man supplies for me. 'I'd imagine so. It's one in the morning."

"Are you another doctor?" I groan. I'm tired of meeting them at this point.

The man laughs. "No. My name is Roger, I'm one of the nurses who tend to the third floor." The pale brown skinned man states placing a hand around my side and the other on my back to hold me upright. "I'll help get you ready for bed tonight. You seem to be a little out of it."

"Can we-"

"Take the sheet with us?" Roger cuts me off for the second time. "Of course. I know you're probably cold after losing that much blood."

"Home." I state, hopefully it came out as assertive. "I have got to call home." My mind is reeling.

The man shakes his head again. "You don't have any phone privileges. You've got to earn those." Roger helps me make my way to another wheel chair, an all black one this time. "You still cool?" He asks as he unlocks the brake on the chair.

"What did they do to me?" I moan trying to clear my head.

"Some procedures. They had to give you a lot of blood. I was actually a little worried for you." Roger states wheeling me back down the hall. "You looked so tiny with all those people around you."

That's the last thing I want to think about. "While I've got you here for a little while, would you mind signing this?" He hands me a white copy of a medical sheet with dark black spots covering it.

Without thinking, I take to offered pen and sign my name in large letters over the page due to my lack of control over my hands. "What is that?"

Roger smiles and takes the sheet from me. "It's a copy of the medical sheet you were bleeding on. My friends are going to freak when they see that I got work on Nightcrawler!" With that he pushes me into the dark room.

"Not that I'm a stalker like fan, mind you. But you're like one of my favorite x-men."

Smiling in a drunken way I mumble, "Danke."

Roger hooks is hands under my arms, lifting my into the bed. "So does Cyclops always were those glasses? I mean I saw him in the parking lot earlier and I was like, "Oh My God." I had a total geek out." His lips keep moving as he removes my shirt. After handing me clothes from the cupboard the man helps me change out in an awkward display of dependence.

"Well then, I'm going to lock you in now."

"Do you have to?"

Roger looks at me, quizzically. "Have to what?"

"Lock the door." I sate. "Could you leave it open? Really there's no way I can run out of here."

The man laughed. "I'm sorry… I can't do that."

"Shit." I mutter. "Thank you anyway."

"No problem Nightcraw-"

"Kurt." I state, absent mildly.

Roger turned. "Pardon?"

"My name is Kurt." I smirk a little. "My real name, anyway."

Roger smiles. "Well it's been a pleasure meeting you Kurt. I hope you have a fast recovery. I'll see you around, okay?"

The lights flick of as Roger, a long with my friendly wheel chair, exit-locking the door loudly as he goes.


	3. Chapter 3

**should have this one back online fully by monday.**

* * *

I woke up to my small little locked room and laid in my bed - motionless. Through the bars in my window I can see that it's still dark outside, which means it's most likely not time for me to be awake.

Too organize my list of thoughts at the moment I'll start by saying that I'm beyond pissed. And follow that up with the fact that I find myself actually having to piss. I suppose it's a just a pissy day all around.

I don't want to lie in the bed… if I do, that means that they win. If I don't lie in the bed, I have to stand. If I stand, I'll get tired which will eventually lead me to laying back in the bed. See what I'm talking about? This place is going to drive me insane!

I'm too afraid to make any noise due to my electronic baby sitters. The last thing I want in the world is for Williams to wonder into my room while I'm weak… no my next encounter with the man would definitely be when I was ready to actually encounter the man. With smart comebacks and such.

Unfortunately all of this free time gave me time to think back over what had happened that led me here.

_It was a rainy day... yesterday. God it seems like so long ago. Like I've been waiting here for years instead of just a day. _

_Outside sucked, inside sucked, the whole situation was utterly suck-ish._

"_Nightcrawler!" came the annoyingly high and awkwardly bitchy, voice of Bobby Drake, aka. Ice man. You could tell that "Iceman" was becoming a "man" at long last. Poor Bobby was at the awkward stage of puberty that all of us go through… the hell that is fourteen. _

"_Vas?" I called back, pissed by his interruption of my suckish thoughts._

_I was lying on the floor by my bed, watching the rain fall in through the open window on to the VERY expensive carpeting, and not caring one bit about how much damage it would cause. It was just one of those days… those million miles away days that I seem to be having a lot._

"_Hey, where are you?" he calls again._

"_Here."_

_Bobby storms into my room. "Well you were SUPPOSED to be in the danger room." He's still in uniform, which means that the others will be upstairs soon as well._

"_Well I wasn't, was I?" I answer, letting my coldness drip from the words._

"_Man, what is wrong with you? I mean you've been like this for months. You know that there are people you could talk to right? I mean you live in a mansion, no need to be depressed and crap when you can pay someone to make it go away right? Man- you're scaring me lately."_

"_Out." I demand, tired of his diagnosis._

"_Kurt, I'm only trying to help. I don't like seeing you like this." His voice wavers and his blue eyes shine. If he cries I'm going to throw him out the open window._

"_Get the fuck out of my room!" I scream._

_He backs out of the door looking frightened, like he'd seen a ghost... or better yet a demon_

_The dark deep felling of complete nothingness creeps up on me again. The small shadow of the memories, and nightmares that I spend a good 3/4ths of my day fighting off and nights awake to avoid._

_No one could understand why, because I can't tell them. It's like I'm remembering someone elses life...but can't get past this gray fog to see anything clearly. I'm getting the back wash of emotions from scenes I can't see. Or I don't want to see. _

_If I told them everything that was going on inside my head I'd be banned, cast aside with no hope of any kind of redemption. This confusion, this frantic sense of paranoia and panic- hell, I can't even leave my own house lately. Who could possible want to live like I do? And the worse thing? I can't tell anyone because I don't have a fucking clue why! It's one thing to be depressed because someone died, or someone beat you or something- but I have absolutely no motives…. How insane would I sound if I admitted that? _

_No, I couldn't tell them, couldn't talk to them. Why ruin their perfectly smooth and flowing lives with my drama? And that's all this is, right? I'm looking for something and can't find it. Hence, I'm making drama. Therefore, I shouldn't have to burden the only people in the world who've been so kind to me. _

_They didn't need that- didn't deserve that. _

_I sit for about six or so minutes reflecting on this pain and fear of consequences that I'd faced over the last four months, and decided to end it. Permanently. It's the only way that I can really be free from this. Once and for all._

_Now, all my friends would have to worry about would be getting rid of my body- that makes it easier for them. _

_Walking down the main staircase, the world is in slow motion. Everything around me was a blur of color; if I had my canvases- I could have spent an hour or two painting it. The peacefully empty halls seem to be mocking me with their beauty .I remember my first day here. The tall pillars and carved statues made me nervous. I wanted so much to belong. Just to blend in for once. I guess what I really wanted was sanctuary._

_Only the professor had known what I'd done back in Germany. He didn't seem to trust me any less for it. I didn't even fully understand it. Once again- it's like some of my past has been eaten by moths or some shit. I don't remember the wholeness of what I did… and I didn't even know I'd done something wrong until I realized that my foster mother wouldn't speak to me. _

_So it only made sense to end it, right in the house that I'd turned into my own personal hell by means of lying and, as much as it kills me to admit it, substance abuse "issues"._

_I walked into the deserted kitchen and took a knife from the drawer. It was the largest one, a butcher knife I suppose, so I figured it would work pretty much the same as my swords. After all… suicide was one thing- getting caught trying to commit suicide and stopped, that was a completely different "ball game" as Ororo likes to say. _

_I wasn't really sure what to do. I'd never cut myself, but I had plenty of experience in cutting other people… So I figured if I applied the same methods I used for attacking others- something could come of it. When the long knife was securely in my grasp, it was like another person took over. Suddenly, I knew just what to do._

_I took a deep breath and plunged the steel deep into my arm. Starting at my wrist and ending at my elbow. When I made the first cut, I took another breath and plunged the knife deeper, again slitting down to my elbow from the wrist. I did this whole process about three times on my right arm. _

_The pain was unbearable. Searing. I could see the tip of the knife sticking out through the other side of my arm on the last stab. _

_And the professor says I'm an underachiever. _

_For a moment I thought I'd knocked something over onto myself due to the amount of liquid that was soaking me (I didn't think I needed to get dressed to commit suicide), but when I looked down I saw that it was blood. Some people would have freaked out, but strangely seeing all that crimson calmed me. It pooled at my knees, spilling over the cloth covering my semi- nudeness with a quickness that could only belong to a liquid. _

_I did the same to my other arm, stabbing, slitting, stabbing, and slitting- my vision was blacking out by now. When I was satisfied, I slumped to the floor in the pool of cooling crimson salvation, not bothering to hide the smile on my lips._

_I closed my eyes and felt my heart start to slow as fainting drew near. I was in so much pain filled ecstasy that I didn't hear Kitty come in. No matter how annoying I claim to find her, I'm always doomed to moon after this girl. So it's slightly odd when I don't notice her entrance- I'll chalk that up to the blood loss. _

"_OH MY GOD!" Professor, Come here! Quick!" she panicked. "Hurry!" She puts her hand over her mouth in shock. "OH my god… Oh my god.." The girl's voice is trembling as she kneels over me. "Kurt? Can you hear me?" _

_A felling of panic came over me as well. What would they do to me if this didn't work? Why did I even give a shit? Three minutes ago, I was welcoming death. Kitty comes in and all I can think about is how bad I'm going to be punished for this. With a shaking voice I answer, "I hear you…." _

_The girl's crying is visible through my grey spotted vision. "Who did this to you?" She asks, as if not wanting to admit the scene she was seeing. _

"_I-" _

"_You don't know?" She asked panicked. "Dear God Kurt, please, please tell this isn't what it looks like that. Tell me you wouldn't do this to yourself!" _

"_That's enough Katherine." Xavier states, voice calm. "Kurt's obviously upset- he doesn't need you shrieking at him." _

"_So it's true?" Kitty asked, voice broken. "Kurt really just-" _

"_Kitty I need to you reach up over him and get some dish rags to stop the bleeding." The professor commanded, ignoring Kitty's question all together. "This definitely explains the distress signals I've been picking up on." He mutters to himself. _

_As she did what she was told, Hank McCoy aka "The Beast" came in. "Charles, I have run and re-run the numbers and I-" At this Hank looks up, mouth dropping in awe. _

"_We've got a situation on our hands, Hank." The professor said smoothly. _

"_I can see that.." The blue man says, voice hollowed with shock. "He's going to need a transfusion…" _

_Xavier nods. "And we'll need to take him to a hospital." _

_Hank nods. "Med wing first, I'll do a minor transfusion to get him to the…hospital he needs to get to." Beast stares at me again while saying, " Saint Vinncents is about a two hour drive from here…" _

"_That sounds lovely._" _Charles says after some thought. _

"_Hey, what's going on in here? Some of us are trying to… sleep." Scott came in and stared at me, his jaw visibly dropped._

"_Kurt's sick," Kitty answered while putting pressure on both of my arms. The lights in the kitchen flickered on one by one, catching the blood in a sadistically beautiful fashion. Counters and tables that had once been dark blobs sprung to life in wake of the new attention from the light bulbs. Oak and stainless steel gleamed, almost shouting their worth._

_The group moved a little closer to me. "Stay where you are." I growl, weakly. _

_It momentarily stops them… momentarily due to the fast realization that I can't really enforce any of my threats. _

_I take a deep breath. "I've made my choice, professor. I want you all as teammates, to respect it. I'm an adult, and henceforth should be able to make my own life decisions." _

"_Bullshit." Logan growls from the other side of the room. "This aint a choice- it's a mistake." _

_Logan, Betsy, and Hank all take a few steps closer. "Stay the fuck away from me!" _

"_Hush luv." Pyslocke says, distractedly while inching just a bit closer. "We're only trying to help you." _

"_I don't want you're help!" _

_Hands wrap themselves under my arms and lift me into the air. "You don't get a choice in it." Logan growls, having gotten behind me while I was busy focusing on Betsy. "Where's he going?" HE asks the professor. _

"_Take him to the med wing and then go and prep the x-van for departure." The man states slowly, as we all jerk into motion. _

"_Please.. Put me back." I try reasoning, having to close my eyes against he blurs of color around me. "You don't understand…" _

"_What's there to understand, Kurt? You've made it all perfectly clear for us." The professor says, voice sounding gentle against all of the Chaos around me. _

_I stayed in the medwing for all of an hour. Beast did is magic trick of forcing my body to accept the blood he gave me and stitched my arms closed all in record time. _

_Then came the umber fun ride to the hospital. _

_I was placed in the middle seat of the van, sandwiched in between the Professor and Scott… who was (From my understanding) controlling me in the car so I didn't hurt the professor. Jean and Rogue were in his car, following behind us. And, thankfully, they wouldn't be coming into the hospital with us. _

_For the hundredth time, I tried to roll down the vans window- motions made hard for me by Scott blocking my attempts. _

"_It's staying up, Kurt." He warned, again. _

_I rocked back against the car seat, fighting off a wave of nausea. "I'm going to be sick." I moan. _

_Kitty glances back at the professor. "Is he lying?" _

_The man shakes his head. "Pull over quickly-" When the car starts to jerk into the other lane of high-speeding traffic, he quickly adds "BUT SAFELY!" Our raging metal death trap slows to a halt. " Scott, help him. Hanks safely suppressed his powers, so you shouldn't have any trouble with that." _

_Cyclops lifted me from the car, helping me to the side of the road. That would be when the first batch of painkillers I'd stolen from the medwing when Logan stepped out to smoke, came up. I was hoping that Scott wouldn't recognize it. _

_But fate is a bitch to me… _

"_Are those pills?" The older boy asked, disgust in his voice. _

"_Don't tell." I whispered, "Please." _

"_Professor!" Scott calls into the van as I start to gag again. "Kurt took pills… " _

_The older man leaned out of the car. "Bend him over closer to the ground, he'll have to throw up some more before we get the hospital." _

_Jean and Rogue pulled in behind us, waiting. _

_After that, we started back on the road. _

"_Sleep Kurt." The professor ordered. "If you sleep, this ride will be so much easier on you." _

_I rested my head on my knees. "What's going to happen?" I ask again. "What are they going to do to me?" _

"_Talk with you, watch over you…" He stares at me through my hands. "And medicate you." _

"_I don't want to." I state again, just as we pull into the emergency room of Saint Vinncent's hospital… apparently they've got a killer psychiatric department. Apparently. _

_Men in green, the security men, met us out front with a wheel chair. _

_Someone at the hospital must have called the press… A reporter was standing by the entrance. "Holy shit- she was right." The man says, hurrying over to us. "Nightcrawler!" The man of the brown suit and glossy hair stops just short of the outstretched arm of the nearest security guy. "What's happened?" _

_Another reporter, a woman this time, ran up beside the man. "Are the rumors that you're going into rehab, true?" _

_All I could focus on was the crushing fear in my chest- tears started to flow down my face, giving the news papers some great photos of my at my weakest. "Ah." The woman said softly while snapping a picture. "It's okay kid- just think of how famous you'll be when you get out."_

* * *

"Kurt?" static, robotic sounding voice was calling. Over and over it repeated my name. It's shrill metallic voice banging on the inside of my head like a drum being pounded by an insane five year old.

Soon the heavy door to my room was unlocked and swung open.

Next thing I knew there were several nurses and such gathered around me shining lights in my eyes. Which only helps with my anger.

"Don't cry." One of the voices called down patronizingly. "Don't cry. Look -it's okay."

"I'm not crying jack ass!" I yell at the man above me while wiping my eyes so they'd leave me alone. I don't care if I'm crying- they have no right to barge in on me. "You have no fucking right to be in here!" I call when the hands start making their ways to my neck and face- checking for vitals or being comforting, I'm not sure.

"Why don't we watch the language there bud? Can you do that for me?" One of the nurses, a large blond man, asks near my face.

"Why don't you go fuck yourself?" I snarl back. I don't know why they're here, I don't care why they're here- I just want them to get the hell out.

"Easy there, boy." One of the men orders.

"Get the hell out of here!" I scream pushing his hands away from me.

"He's getting hysterical!" One of the several people yells from somewhere. "Someone get some restraints." Several men in green hold me down while more some lady straps leather restraints around my wrists and ankles

"What are his powers?" Someone calls urgently. "Do we need more suppressors?"

Shit... they think I'm going to attack them. I should have known to be more careful. "I'm not hysterical!" I start thrashing around to release myself from their grips.

"Okay, someone get the syringe ready." Someone states quickly. "And go and get a prohibitor anklet just to be sure."

"Calm down! Calm down!" Williams's states rushing into the room and pushing away the man who was coming at me with a syringe. "Kurt's not hysterical." He snaps. "Trust me, if he was you'd know it."

"Untie me! Damn it! Untie me!" More tears had worked there way from me, not helping his case for my sanity. "Who gave you the right to come in here!"

"Okay Kurt, okay. We hear you." The man over me says softly. "Calm down." Williams undid the restraints and helped me sit up in the bed. "See Nurse?" He pointed rubbing a hand over my sweaty back. "He's fine. There was no need for all of that."

The nurse who'd had the syringe blushed, his pale face turning bright red.

"He just had a bad dream."

"I was told to keep our mutant patients as calm as possible." The man defends. "I figured since this one was so highly trained…"

"That's right- highly trained." Williams interrupts. "And that training allows Mr. Wager here to have complete control over his powers. If he could use them right now, which he can't- I assure you- he wouldn't have done anything to harm you."

Wow… this man trusts… me? I'm the least likely of the x-men for someone to have that much faith in. I could have taken these nurses down easily… but he believes that I won't. That's a lot to take in.

Several of the people turned around and left after some muffled, "Sorry's".

My mind is still reeling from the utter invasion of privacy I've just faced.

"You okay?" The man turns his attention to me.

Looking down at the bed, I mumble, "Those fuckers had no right to come in here."

Williams looks down at the me and shakes his head. "Go to sleep Kurt, please? For one hour of your stay here, just do what you're supposed to."

* * *

"Good morning." Nurse Smiley, from the front desk last night, comes into the room happily, unlocking the damned metal door with it's taunting little barred over window that's been casting light shadows on my floor.

I'm sitting with my knees under my chin in the corner away from the white box that's been telling me to lay back down for the last hour.

It's not my fault that I woke up earlier than normal patients. This is something they should have been prepared for.

"Good Morning." I reply to the pink t-shirt and black Capri life sized Barbie doll.

Nurse smiley walks over to where my clothing box is and pulls some black baggy shorts and black t-shirt out, passing them to me and sitting down a few inches from where my tail is sprawled out. "You've been very talkative this morning." She states gently resting her fingers on the barb of my tail, as if checking it for sharpness. I flinch a little, making her gasp before she giggles awkwardly.

"I didn't start that fight." I mumble.

Smiley laughs. "I heard quite a bit of that conversation. You weren't exactly innocent."

"I don't understand why they wouldn't allow me to get up." I hiss, trying to keep my voice down.

Her long fingers run a delicate path over the spade of my tail absent mindedly, like a person would a cat. "It's a rule Kurt. We have those here." Something sparks in her blue eyes and she reaches into her pocket and retrieves a crumpled green sheet of paper. "This is a list of rules, while we're on the topic." The list is neatly typed, organized with everything explained down to the t.

"First off, and this is a big rule that you've attempted to break already- you are not allowed to leave the psychiatric ward. Until you've received either a discharge or a pass that allows you out at specific times with specific people."

Running my hands over the clothes she's laid out for me, I nod. "I understand that."

"Good." Smiley smiles (of course) and then straightens herself back up. "Second rule would be that you are not to touch either the cameras or the monitor. This is mainly because you've proved to be suicidal and a tad bit hysterical at times and we need to know what your up too when your alone."

The room is silent... I swear I can hear people above me moving around.

"There are a few little ways that we run this place- levels of treatment and such. When you've progressed enough, you'll be able to go into the t.v rooms and the porch outside, with someone to supervise you. That would be a nurse from your nurse's station. We're around any time you need us." She pauses for a second. "At this point, you're allowed some cigarettes if you want them."

"What other levels are there?" I ask absent mindedly running my tail through the cracks in the tile.

"Well," Smiley starts counting off on her fingers. "There is level 1, which is what you are, that's new patients who need the most attention."

She pulls up another finger. "Level two is for patients who've progressed enough, as proved by their doctors, to be trusted on their own for small amounts of time. Level three, our last level, is for patients getting ready to leave the hospital. They can go anywhere they want during any time other than lights out- which is at 9:30 p.m by the way."

Looking at the woman through my boredom-ridden eyes I ask, "That's it?"

Smiley nods. "Other than no sharp objects, no long ropes or belts, no medication that isn't given by one of the medical personnel, be where your supposed to be when your supposed to be there, and listen to every authority figure." She states before taking a breath. "We have these rules in place for your safety and we'd like for you to follow them."

"And if I don't?"

"You could be arrested for leaving the hospital, for starters. Breaking rules about being where you supposed to be or breaking the contraband rule will get you a day of lock down in your room. If your behavior becomes so extreme or this ward isn't enough to meet your needs, you'll be moved up to the ICU ward on floor five. Which is truly a prison like atmosphere," Smiley clasps her hands on mine, "Please, please, please don't go there." She jokes. "I've lost a few patients to that ward, it's so hard to see them go."

Rules. Rules. And more rules. Sadly, even though I'm an X-man, I'm not good at rules. But then the alternative doesn't sound very good for me either.


	4. Chapter 4

**so while I'm putting stories back up- I don't think I'll put all of them. So if yall have favs. lemme know. other wise, i'm gonna be lazy. lol. **

* * *

I dress not really caring if Smiley can see me or not. Besides she probably wouldn't leave the room even if I asked her to. Why bother wasting the energy? It's pretty obvious that the people here aren't going to listen to me anyway.

Smiley waits patiently, helping me to my feet when I finish.

"I'm going to take you on down the cafeteria to get some lunch now," She says conversationally. "I know your probably starving by now."

Come to think of it, I guess I am. Though I really don't think I can bring myself to eat much. I haven't had much of an appetite over the last six or so months. Which, as any one in the institute will tell you, is a bad sign for me. Usually, when I'm not all psycho depressed, I can put away more food than someone twice my size could.

The halls don't look as small and dark as they did last night. Or maybe they're just bigger than my room which makes me think their more spacious.

We walk for two minutes until we come to a pair of metal doors that scream, "low paid cafeteria".

"Here we are." Smiley opens the doors with a flourish comparable to one of the ladies from "Deal or no Deal".

The cafeteria is a light shade of green and smells like burnt toast. Table after empty table are lined up starting at the wall and moving towards the doors. By the lunch line, the vending machines, and the doors there are two separate sets of guards- making sure no one acts out when they're given this chance to interact or guarding the snacks is up for grabs.

Nurse smiley walks to an empty circular table with five seats in varying primary colors. She pats one of the seats. "You sit here and I'll go get some food." I don't get a chance to reply because she's already gone. I wait, bored and hungry. Like always… these people stick around when you don't want them- i.e. taking a shower or trying to get some sleep- and vanish when you actually need to talk to them. With all these oddities and paradoxes, I'm beginning to feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland

Smiley comes back with two ugly red plastic trays. Both trays have those disgusting fake cheeseburgers on them, fries that are probably cold, and that nasty jell-o shit that all hospitals seem to love to give out. Smiley sits and we eat to the sound of her chattering on about everything and nothing. Her brother, her mom, her own personal doctor, and her dog have all made it into our conversation. Well her conversation. I'm sitting silently and poking around at the food.

Come to think of it the whole cafeteria is silent. There aren't a lot of patients around. (thirteen if my math is correct) The cafeteria is completely calm, much calmer than the x mansion's, where you can't go two feet without being tela-pelted with one food item or another.

"So… you're a sixteen year old super hero." Smiley says, voice begging to be punched in the face. "That must be very stressful for you."

Looking up from the fake meat in front of me, I sigh. "I do okay."

"I saw you on the news once." Smiley says, grinning a little. "You were fighting… Juggernaut I think it was. You got slammed into a bus head first."

I smirk a little. "Yeah. He likes doing that." I think for a second before adding, "I had to get thirty two stitches after that fight."

"It doesn't frighten you?" She asks, looking at me. "Being involved in so much… war and such. What I mean to say Kurt is that you're only a child. Should you really be flying jets around and stuff? Aren't you scared of getting hurt?"

I shake my head. "Really, I've never cared one way or the other. Professor Xavier saved my life. I repay them by joining them and following their orders. That's how it goes."

"But should it go like that? Couldn't you have just said "Thanks" and went on about your life?"

Sighing I try and think of a good reason as to why I'm here… strangely, nothing comes to mind. "I don't think I had a choice." I say sounding confused even to myself.

The nurse across from me let's the silence I've created set. This brings about an utter calmness to the room, as if the only people who'd been talking had been us or something.

All of the sudden the calmness is shattered by the heavy doors banging up against the walls of the entrance. And by 'banging' I mean that they left a twin set of dents on the walls opposite from each other.

"Oh my God." Smiley gasps under her breath. "Please tell me he's got her…" I'm pretty sure this blond woman talking to herself, so I don't answer.

Dr. Williams rushes in, white doctors coat flying around him. "It's okay. Wanda just got a little freaked out in the elevator." Smiley un-tenses when she sees Williams, leading me to think that Miss Wanda hasn't been the ideal patient either.

Surely enough Wanda Maximoff, a.k.a. the Scarlet Witch was with him. I've heard rumors that you can't really suppress all of her powers; guess they're more truthful than we thought.

"Well, you gave me quite a scare. How are you felling today Wanda?"

Scarlet Witch looks about as pleased as I do. Both of us, in the same hospital….. this should be interesting. I hope the staff knows how to get bloodstains off of the walls.

She doesn't answer smiley, instead she turns those cold eyes on me. "What are you doing here x-man?"

"Thought I would come and visit." I sneer. "What do you think I'm doing here Wanda?"

Nurse Smiley grins and says, "Kurt is a patient here, just like you."

Wanda smirks. "I always knew one of you x-men would crack. So what'd you do? Start talking to yourself? Seeing stuff? Rape one of the pretty little x-sluts?" Her shoulder length black dyed hair lands around her pale neck as she shakes her head. "With those tight outfits they really are asking for it."

"Shut up." I demand, hotly.

The girl smirks. "Or maybe someone finally submitted to having mommy issues. Was that it? I'd completely understand being messed up after mommy dearest ditching you like she did."

Anger boils up in me. "Shut the fuck up Wanda!" I lunge across the table, grabbing her throat.

Wanda in turn grips my other arm, digging her nails through the gauze and into the gaping wound. "Let go of me x-man or there will be hell to pay." She warns, voice low.

"Kurt!" Smiley snaps, grabbing my wrist and pulling it back from Wanda. The other mutant smiles when a grimace of pain crosses my face.

"Me?" I stare at the nurse coldly. "Did you hear what she said?"

"But she didn't use any foul language." She points to a sign on the wall ruling out my word. "And she didn't use violence until you did."

"That's not fair!" I state angrily.

"Do you need to go to a room to chill out?" The nurse asks sincerely.

"No." I mumble staring down at the table.

A few minutes drag on into what feels like centuries. Smiley waits for me to continue my statement, sighing when I don't. "Are you finished eating?"

Williams comes back and scolds Wanda for her taunting. Guess there is some justice in the world.

"Ya, I'm done." I answer a little too loudly while watching Williams annoy my fellow mutant.

"Okay, you have a session in five minutes with," she looks at a sheet of paper, "Dr. Peters."

We get up and leave, me glancing at the Scarlet Witch who returns my annoyed glance with one of her own.

* * *

Smiley proceeded to talk all the way down the hall, to the elevator, in the elevator, and on the outside. This woman is the energizer bunny of the psychiatric field. This is like Kitty on speed, I swear it.

"You'll like Dr. Peters, Kurt, I just know you will."

She smiles, hums, and looks like she should be holding the hand of a little kid in some far off field of hay or something. Not leading a boy who has bloody gauze wrapped around his arms, Gothic clothes and attitude, and the looks of a demon to a psychiatrist's office. But on and on she prattles, like she sees nothing wrong with the picture.

We walk down endless hallways, until we come to room 256.

Smiley knocks on the door, which creaks open to reveal a pale man with bright red hair in a black "I live in my own little world" tee-shirt. He actually jumps a little when he sees me.

"Come in, Come in." he ushers. "Kurt, I'm assuming." Peters holds out his hand to me.

Normally I won't shake people's hands when I first meet them; it's too awkward when they have to adjust their hands to fit mine. But Peters here looks so geeky that I take his offered hand.

Quite unexpectedly, he yanks my wrist and uses it to pull my arm closer to him. "That," He points to the bandage covering my stitches, "must have hurt." Then he thoughtfully adds, "How did you manage to do this to both arms when it was obviously extremely painful."

"I had motivation."

"And that, Kurt, is the problem." An awkward silence follows this.

I notice that he's staring at my hands, which still makes me uncomfortable, so I hide them behind me. Trying to speak to me is annoying… but if he thinks he's going to use this hour or so to stare at me like I'm some freak show star- he's got another thing coming.

"Well, I will be back to take you to your room in an hour or two." Smiley breaks the silence, making Peters jump.

"How rude of me to space off like that, here Kurt, please sit." He motions to a brown chair in between two bookcases.

I sit, only because the office is so small, that it would be awkward otherwise.

"Now tell me something about you." Peters says sitting down across from me.

"I'm blue." I state pulling on my hair between two fingers.

Peters laughs. "Well I can see that. How about tell me something else about you that I can't make out for myself." I shrug again.

"Shy?" he probes.

"NO." I stubbornly protest.

"Do you not want to talk?"

Sighing, I lean forward. "To be honest Doctor, there's been some huge, huge misunderstanding. I'm really not even supposed to be here."

Peters smiles a little to himself. "It says on your chart that you've been forcibly committed by your legal guardian." He raises his eyes to me. "Is that the mix up?"

"I don't think the professor knew what he was doing when he left me here. In fact, I'm sure that if you were to let me call him, he would come back and sign the paper work to get me out of here."

The red haired man nods a little, taking notes on the book in front of him. "What are you writing?" I ask, panic filling my voice.

"Notes." Peters answers as if it's a normal question. "Does that bother you Kurt?"

Yes… yes it bothers the shit out of me. I hate it when people write or speak things about me. What can I say? "I'm immensely paranoid at all times", would not go over well with a head shrink. "No." I lie, having to grit my teeth.

The man nods, continuing to make his blasted notes. "I'm told that you had a rather rough night last night."

Sighing in frustration, I sag back against the cushioned seat behind me. "I did. A bunch of strangers burst into my room and tried to sedate me. Obviously you can see were that would lead to some amount of discomfort."

"I was refereeing more to your little nightmare. We could hear you start to cry over the audio feed for no apparent reason." He stares at me again, making more eye contact than I'm comfortable with. "So I'm supposing that was a nightmare."

I shake my head. "So? It was a rough day. Even the sanest of people would be upset if they had a night like mine."

"And do you think you're completely sane, Kurt?"

"Hell yes I do." I shoot back angrily. "What kind of question is that?"

Dr. Peters laughed that, "I know so much more than you" laugh that all the adults around here seem to have. It makes my skin crawl. "You're a defensive little thing, aren't you?"

"I'm not a 'little thing'." I huff. "And I'm not defensive."

Peters shakes his head. "You're not defensive and yet you haven't agreed with a single thing I've said since you sat down."

"Maybe you should start saying some accurate statements that I could agree with." I mumble, staring at my feet.

"I heard you'd be difficult." He stares at me again, not even a hint of judgment on his features. "You're going to refuse to believe that you need help, aren't you Kurt?"

"I can help myself." I shoot at him, darkly. Because it's true. I've been helping myself for years. So I fucked up last night- what's the big deal? I'm in pain, I most likely won't try that again- why is it anyone else's business?

"And what happens when you can't help yourself anymore? Another episode like last nights?" Peters looks up from taking his notes. "If your friends hadn't found you when they did and known how to give a transfusion- you'd be dead by now."

"So?"

The man looks at me seriously. "Dead is not a good thing, Kurt."

"Why are you doing that?" I ask randomly.

The man blinks. "What?"

"Using my name so much." I demand.

"Because it's your name." The man said. "I am speaking to you, therefore I use your name."

On his note pad I distinctly see him scribble the word "Paranoid."

"I'm not paranoid." I state angrily.

"Your reading my notes." The man says pointedly.

I sigh loudly. "Only because your writing things about me."

The man leans across the space in between us. "Here." He hands his clip board to me. "I've got nothing to hide from you."

It's hard to make out his notes. "Your writing sucks." I mutter, reading about his thoughts on my defensiveness and paranoia. "There isn't a lot here."

The man laughs, taking his notebook back. "You've only been here for twelve minutes."

Groaning I lean back against the chair heavily. "It feels longer."

"Are you feeling okay?" The man asks, knowingly.

"I'm fine." I snap.

Silence. The room is so quiet, it was sleepy itself. My body starts to get heavy and I was having problems keeping my eyes open. I closed them for what seemed to be just a few minutes.

* * *

"DING." A tiny clock sprung to attention, waking me up. Peters is across the room, going through some files, reading glasses perched on his nose.

"I thought you looked a little faint. Too much for one day, huh?" he asked cheerfully.

Oh shit, I'd fallen asleep- again.

"Plus the trionic energy we use to nullify your powers seems to be weakening you more than others." He turns his full attention to me. "I'm curious, for my own knowledge, if that has something to do with the fact that you're a teleporter."

Great, just perfect. How wonderful. Now they can just wait for me to pass out and then do whatever it is they want me to do.

"I don't know." I respond.

The man nods. "It's something I'm going to ask that they observe so we can better your stay here."

A knock on the door announced Nurse Smiley, who breezes through the doors happily.

"How'd it go?" She asks stopping in front of the man in his chair.

Peters grins. "I found out that he snores."

"Better luck tomorrow?" she teased. "Come on Kurt, someone is here to see you." She pushes me thorough the door without waiting for me to respond or wake up, for that matter. Her chattering constantly too much for me just having woken up. Fortunately we don't walk for long this time.

We end up in a large room with big light green couches with matching chairs and small tables with very outdated magazines. Other than us the only noises are coming from the workers and staff moving about their days.

"This is the visiting area. Your allowed three visits a day." She smiles her annoying "I'm happy with life" smile. "I'll wait here with you while your guests sign in." She says as she leads me to one of the couches.

The visiting area seems to be one of the only rooms that doesn't scream "Hospital". It's more soothing than any of the other tables, real chairs (meaning their not plastic), and there are no bars on the high windows.

Still… the room has a sort of depression filled atmosphere to it.

Smiley reads one of the old magazines, and I stare at the floor. We wait for a very short five minutes.

A click comes from the huge metal doors opposite the one's Nurse Smith and I came through. Dr. Williams appears through the door, holding it open for Professor X and Psylocke.

"Good morning Kurt." The Doctor calls. "I'm glad to see that you're feeling a little better this morning."

I flip the older doctor my own little version of 'the bird' which will do better than saying, "Fuck you" simply because he keeps commenting on my use of the word. He waits until the x-men are passed to shut the door, replacing the security guards in front of it.

"Thank you." Psylocke steps into the room, a vision.

Seriously Elizabeth Braddock is any man's wet dream. All curves and exotic (Seeing as she is technically in a body of an Asian Assassin. Then again, I've been told that she was hot in her own body as well) by looking at her you'd never tell that she's British. Amazing how looks deceive right?

"Not a problem." Williams responds.

That's the only sound in the room.

I'm not going to speak to them. I absolutely refuse to. They have ignored my "issues" for years and suddenly, after they've got me locked up and miserable, they want to come and speak to me. I think it's a little too late. I shouldn't have to be here, I shouldn't have had to sit through that therapy session…. Fuck it all. They can sit there and talk to themselves- because I won't be doing it.

"Hello, Kurt. How are you felling today?" Xavier asks cheerfully. I can tell that he got to sleep in his own bed last night. I bet he didn't have people burst in on him, either. Lucky bastard.

I ignore him, staring at the white tiles at my feet instead. The room seems to spin a little as I try to remember what that little schedule Smiley told me of said I was doing after this.

"Come on now love. Don't be like that." Psylocke nervously runs her fingers through her long purple hair. "You're looking a little better." She continues. "Did you get some sleep last night?"

I don't answer her either.

"I heard they had to give you some more blood." The woman continues. "It seems to have given you a little more color. "

At this, I give her a really nasty glare.

"You can't blame them for your being here. They just wanted to help." Dr. Williams interrupts. "Stop giving her the death stare."

"So by forcing me into a hospital against my will, they plan to help me?"

Williams raises an eyebrow. "It would help if you let it."

"I'm not letting it." I growl at the man. "I've already warned you that the second I get the chance- I'm out of here."

"We just wanted to see how you were doing." The professor cuts in. "I did tell you that we would visit you everyday." He motions to himself and Betsy with a spread arm.

"Dr. Williams tells us you had your first therapy session today," Psylocke follows up, "how'd it go?"

I shrug, saying nothing.

She reaches over as if to touch my shoulder, I jerk back violently sending her hand to the back of the couch. "Don't touch me." I order.

Dr. Williams gives what sounds like a warning cough. I glare at him, as if saying with my eyes "make them leave." In the odd silence that follows, Psylocke moves back to her side of the table- message received.

"I know you're mad, but please try to look at this through our point of view." She says after pausing to think. "I know you're a little confused and all sweet heart, but we're just trying to get you some help."

"I'M SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT THIS THROUGH YOUR POINT OF VIEW? WHY DON'T YOU TRY LOOKING THROUGH MINE?" Taking a deep breath I add, "Do you know that they can come into my room at any time they want? I get absolutely no privacy! They don't even ask what I want! I'm completely powerless!" I turn back to the professor. "Do you have any idea how horrible that is for me? "

Williams makes a small motion with his right hand and one of the many nurses who've showed moves into the room with us. "Kurt, you've been doing so well today. Let's not ruin it over one little visitation."

"Are you going to completely ignore me?" I ask, voice sounding broken.

"Doctor Williams is right." Professor x says calmly. "Why don't you just calm down, Kurt? The last thing we wanted to do was upset you."

"Then why don't you just take me home? I hate this hell hole!" My voice rises, louder and louder- my accent getting heavier as my anger grows. Unfortunately, the loudness is attracting more and more attention.

"I know you do." Xavier continues. "But you need help and these people can give it to you. Don't you want help Kurt?" He looks at me, knowledge behind his eyes. "You're tired of being miserable, aren't you? You want to be happy for once, I'm sure."

I look at him harshly. "I want to go home. They're horrible to me." I know this is a weak argument, and I'm smart enough to know that I'm losing. But I need some excitement, so why not?

Dr. Williams looked at the professor. "I told you that he'd try this. Kurt will say anything to make you take him out of here. He'll try saying that he's stolen drugs, that we're being cruel to him-"

"They are cruel! Professor this place is awful! They keep tying me up- tying me up! That's against the rules, isn't it?"

"Sweetheart you're angry and confused, but you have no to right to be pissy at Dr. Williams when he's trying to help you." Pyslocke sighs into her manicured, red nail painted, hand.

"I don't need any of you or your "help"! It's not like you actually care."

"Yes, we do." Williams says calmly.

"YOU just want your paycheck, which I just happen to be involved with. It's impossible for people to care about anything but themselves." I state rising to my feet. For the first time in two days I don't fell sleepy, adrenaline rushes through me so fast that it actually hurts. Quickly scanning the room, I focus in on my ideal escape route.

"Kurt," Dr. Williams says sharply "sit back down and we'll talk about this."

He reaches for my arms, but I throw myself out of his reach, bolting for the visitor's door.

"Stop him!" Williams cries, jumping to the floor.

Two big security guys in green tee-shirts block the door I was heading for. They grab my arms gently, lifting me off the ground.

To anyone who didn't fight a five hundred pound Russian on a regular basis, they might have even seemed scary. I start fighting them with all the strength I can put into it. My struggling made them put me an inch closer to the floor, which was all I needed.

I wrap my tail around the guy on the left's ankle, forcing him, me, and the other guy to the floor in a mass of bodies.

Struggling with them, I know that I have to get to the door, now. I make a mad dash for the handle of the door, busting out onto the other side with a bang.

My feet hit the floor quickly as the sounds echo behind.

Down the hall I try every single door, finding them all locked. Steel handle after steel handle, I yank, and yank but nothing budges.

Behind me there's a cough that directs my attention back to the Doctor.

"You've run away." Williams said softly. "I can't believe you actually managed to get away."

Sighing, I turn to the man fully, trying to hide my shaking body. "No, I tried to run away. There's a difference."

Williams laughs, loudly. "Those doors are locked for a reason, you know."

"To be annoying?" I question.

The man points through the windows of one of the doors. "They're the doors to the other wards." He points to one. "See?" Inside of the door are several smiling, young kids running about. Williams put his hand on my shoulders, an anchoring weight that I hadn't been expecting. "They all seem to be doing just fine here…" he motions again to kids. "They aren't running away, not freaking out every other minute… You get where I'm going with this, Kurt? If a five year old can handle this, surely a 16 year old of your training and background can."

For the 80th time angry tears trek down my face as I suppress the urge to hurt him. "I just want to go home now. Please? That's all I want. I don't understand why I did what I did, but I won't do it again. I'll behave-like I used to. They won't even remember that this ever happened, I'll be so good."

The man smiles a little. "I hate to do this to you Kurt, I really do." He says after a few seconds. "But I'm going to have to put you in another ward now."

"Vas- why?"

The professor chooses this moment to come over to us, changing the conversation at hand. "Did you catch him?"

Williams nods. "He's right here, safe and sound."

"Why am I moving wards?" I ask again.

"Because you're going to be unmanageable in this one." Williams says while calling down the hall for security. Instead he gets one of the nurses, the man from last night.

"Yes sir?" Roger answers trying to not look at me.

"Go to room 116 and gather Mr. Wagner's things, and place them in the ICU psych ward." He smiles as the man leaves and turns to me.

"The what?" I stammer. I'm not felling brave or pumped anymore. I'm scared shit less and man enough to admit that. So there.

"The ICU, or intensive care unit, that is designed to handle the more extreme psychiatric patients; which you have just proved to be one of."

"I'm not going." I state, voice once again shaken. "I'm not going to another ward- I'm not even going back to my room in this one. For the last time-" I take a deep breath before stating calmly, "I. Am. Not. STAYING HERE."

One of the security men steps up, looking bigger than I remember him being. "This isn't a choice, Kurt. Why don't you just calm down and come with us real peaceful like. Maybe, if you behave enough, they'll go a little easier on you and not strap you down to the bed for the rest of the afternoon."

"Fuck that." I back up a little, my back hitting the door to the younger children's ward.

"Kurt…" The professor warns. "You're digging yourself into a hole again." He looks to the doctor. "I could convince him via telepathy if you wish."

William's shakes his head. "Don't mess with his mind anymore than nesces-"

I lunge past the group of distracted people, stunning them with my quickness or stupidity… I'm not really sure.

I head back down the hall, full speed, until I hit a large stair well. Once safely inside it, I take the stairs down two at a time, still running full speed.

As soon as I hit through the door, another security man tackles me. "Hold on there Kid." He warns, pinning my arms behind me and locking my wrists inside some weird plastic cuffs. "Easy does it. Calm down and I can get off of you."

I could have helped my sanity by calming down… I could have helped with a witty remark… Instead, I opened my mouth and all that came out was a scream. Rage filled, angry, demonic sounding- it seemed to embody everything I was trying to say that these ass holes wouldn't listen too.

"I know Kid." The man on top of me states, removing a little of his weight. "Give yourself some credit though," He states when he's sure that I've stopped for the moment. "You're the only patient to have made it this far out of your ward… A few more feet and you'd be out of the hospital."

Fate- like I've mentioned before- is a bitch. A bitch on her period, at that. I'm underneath this mammoth of a man literally five feet away from the front entrance to the hospital. IF I could get away from him- I'd be home free.

Of course he won't let me do that…

Outside the glass doors the sun is shinning brightly. As if the storms of yesterday had been all but forgotten.

On the other side of the room, Williams comes in, breathing heavily. "Kurt- this is not acceptable." He says, surprisingly not yelling. "Where the hell did you think you would go?" Now he's showing a bit of anger.

"I-"

"Let me break this down for you- in case you decide to try it again." Williams's eyes have this weird spark to them. Like there's something deep and scary lurking behind his p.c. shit. "Xavier has determined that you are unsafe. We have determined that you are not only unsafe but also insane, in a sense. If you leave this hospital without the proper documentation saying that you're 'better' you'll be taken away." He looks at me, harshly. "And I'm not talking about back to the x-men or to another hospital- I mean S.H.I.E.L.D lock up."

I gasp a little at that. "How do you know-"

"I know a lot more about this superhero mutant stuff than you think." The man says, smiling a little. "Not all humans want you guys in chains you know…"

"Let me up." I say angrily.

"Shh…" Williams says, motioning for the man to get off of me but keeping his hand in the small of my back to keep me down. "Not until you're a little calmer."

One of the patients of the hospital stops, staring at us. This older woman seems to be heading up to the 'normal' wards. "Poor, poor thing." She mumbles. "This is what you get for running around with all those lasers and customs." She shakes her head. "A child your age…"

Good God…. I'm laying here on the floor and this bitch thinks she can lecture me?

I look up at her. "Fuck off lady. We're busy."

"Well I never!" She huffs, face clouded over as she storms off rather slowly due to her age.

Williams sighs. "Kurt, that was rude." He laughs a little to himself. "I'm not sure why I'm surprised."

"I just wanted to go home." I state, anger dripping on my words. "That's all I've been asking for and it's all I'm trying to accomplish. I haven't threatened anyone, I haven't stolen anything-" I look at the doctor with what I hope is a diplomatic glance that will earn his compassion. "I don't understand why I'm being punished."

"You broke the rules." Williams says. "It doesn't matter what you want right now. What you want is not what you need. We're here to give you what you need, which means taking away all of those decisions that are screwing you over- if you see this as a punishment, then I'm sorry."

The man over me shakes his head before turning to the doctor. "What's the call Doc?"

Williams runs a hand through his hair, thinking a moment. "If you could get him back upstairs- put him in a padded room. We'll have to finish up a little visitation there."

The man lifts me to my feet, which gives me enough room to roughly head-but him in the stomach.

He makes a comically 'Umph' Sound before doubling over in pain.

"Kurt!" My doctor says harshly. "What did I just get finished telling you?" He put a firm hand on the back on my neck, holding my head still.

"Let go." I growl, performing a successful back kick unnervingly close to the other man's crotch.

Williams lets out a small hiss of annoyance. "You're really pushing it here Kurt."

Pushing it? No. This is just the tip of it. His distraction with my legs made his hold on my neck loosen enough for me to slam my head backwards into his face. There's a SMACK and a small amount of pain, but the man is successfully floored.

Unfortunately, the guard is back up now. He takes one look at the man on the floor and gives a small nod. "You're good."

I'm smiling a little, I'll admit it.

"But you're too easily distracted." A soft feminine voice whispers from behind me a second before Psylocke plunges a small needle into my neck.

"Vas?" Confusion isn't a strong enough word to cover this emotion right now.

"Goodnight Kurt, sweetness. I'm sure we can work all of this out when you wake up." She smiles so sweetly as the room around me goes black.

* * *

I ended up in a white foam padded room. How clichéd. I banged on the door for what felt like an hour- but no one came.

Now I'm lying in the corner, waiting. I'm not exactly sure for what.. But I know eventually something is going to happen. It's not like these people to leave me alone for this long.

As if reading my mind, there's a knock on the outside of the large padded door. "Are you calm now?" Said Williams voice.

Taking a deep a breath and counting to ten, I reply, " Yes, sir."

"And if I open this door, you're going to stay put, correct?"

"Yes doctor." The words taste like acid in my mouth.

Williams opened the door and offered me a hand up. "I'm very sorry for having to do that, Kurt." He said, smiling a little. "I'd like to take you into the visitation room for a few minutes, so we can talk this out with the professor... It's not healthy to have pent up emotions like this." Obviously this man has never met Logan.

I nod, not sure what he wants me to say.

"And you're going to be fine, aren't you Kurt? You'll talk calmly with the professor and then follow the nurses up to the next ward, won't you?"

"Yes doctor." I say through gritted teeth.

The man shakes his head. "You won't be leaving this room if you're gritting your teeth like that."

"I'm cool." I try and say calmly.

"No you're not." The man crouches down until he's level with me. "Tell me what's going on in your head right now." He urges. "What're you feeling?"

I lounge against the wall. "I'm tired… I'm angrier that I thought was possible and I don't understand anything." I look at him. "Please, I'm begging you- take this away. Explain to me exactly what's going on so I can stop worrying over it."

Williams smirks a little. "You're saying that you're confused now?"

I nod. "So, so confused. I can't even remember why I ran away in the first place."

"You didn't seem very confused when you knocked me unconscious." He sates moodily.

"I wanted out, you were in my way." I state honestly before adding softly, "I meant nothing against you personally."

I don't see a problem in telling him the truth now that I've been assured that he's ditching me in some other ward. "Do you feel this 'confusion' often, Kurt?" He asks, sounding interested and amused by my explanation. "Or is this a new occurrence for you?"

"I get confused a bit… but it's normally after a really long day- everyone does at the institute- there's nothing insane about it."

Williams nods a little. "I can't give you any answers on that right now, I'm afraid. You're just going to have to trust me and know that my directions and motives are made with your best interest in mind."

He opens the door wider. "Come on now, Kurt. You've caused everyone a great deal of inconvenience today. You don't want to keep them waiting any longer- it's rude."

For the record, so is locking people in rooms…

The good doctor brought me back to the visitation room, arms cuffed in front of me with this odd semi straight jacket looking contraption.

Xavier and Betsy were still here- surprise, surprise and both seemed actually happy to see me.

"I apologize for the wait." Williams said, sounding professional. "We had to do a little cooling off before it was safe to bring him back."

The older man gently pushed me onto the couch, with the aim of someone who was used to pushing around restrained people… I guess that's a perk of the job.

"I've brought Kurt back so that you could discuss some of what lead up to his little 'escape'. I believe that we should get this out in the open before he switches wards so he won't associate you, Charles, with the punishment he's brought upon himself."

Xavier nods. "A wise move."

I just close my eyes and wait for this to be over. Slowly counting off seconds in my head and wondering what's in store for me once I leave these doors.

One….

"Kurt?" Williams is calling.

Two… the room is starting to spin.

"Kurt!" The voice becomes more insistent. I don't even know who it is anymore.

Three… four… five… six…

Six seconds can feel like a lifetime it seems.

Maybe it is a life time- maybe…

The room is dark. Oh my god, I've blacked out of the sun. The people are gone- life, as we know it….

"Kurt!" The voice forces my eyes open, I'm staring it not he faces of three very worried looking adults.

"What the hell was that?" Betsy asked the doctor. "I'm never seen him do that before."

Williams looks worried as well. "He's never had these stressors before… if I didn't know any better I'd say he just went into a hallucination like state much like that of a schizophrenic."

"I don't know what that word means-" I slur. "But don't use it again. I don't like the sound of it…" I laugh a little. "And I can't pronounce it. That's twenty points off on a grammar test…"

"Kurt?" The professor asks calmly. "What are you talking about?"

I try to spread my arms but they won't move. "Everything!"

"I think Kurt needs to go now." The doctor says. "Apparently, once again, he has other ideas in store for his treatment… I'll be calling you about this," He motions to me, not like I care at the moment. "Later Charles, to be honest I find it quite disturbing."

"You're disturbing." I say darkly.

The man ignores me while prepping a syringe. "I'm going to sedate you now, it's like taking a nap. You won't feel a thing."

He plunges it into my arm causing a small amount of shock to race to my brain. Then everything goes fuzzy around the edges. Smiling a little to myself I close my eyes and drift off.


	5. Chapter 5

**okay, small disclaimer here. Not all psychiatric doctors are evil or dicks. My opinion is very, very biased. lol. **

* * *

After an eternity of nothing I start hearing noises, which is starting to annoy me. Like I've said before- I'm slightly paranoid. On the other hand the sounds I'm hearing suggest that I'm not in a place I would normally be in. So maybe I have the right to be un-trusting.

Footsteps near me indicate that someone is standing near my head. Which again, I don't like.

I struggle a little against the mattress- trying to remember what happened in the visitation room. I mean- looking back, I sounded crazy even to me. But I don't know why I said those things or acted that way- at the moment it seemed perfectly reasonable. I mean I was so tried, so worn out- those things seemed like the right things to talk about. But yet again for the hundredth time since coming to this place of the damned, I'm told that I'm wrong.

The mattress underneath me is one of those stiff, hospital pads that can easily be cleaned of piss and vomit. Like the ones we have back home in the med wing and in one of the spare rooms in the x jet.

"Are we awake now?" a strange voice sears through the remaining grogginess in my head.

Another little pet peeve of mine that I didn't know that I had… people saying 'we' when there's only me. It makes me feel like they expect more than one person to be living in me. As far as I know, I am Kurt… and that's one.

"Would you like for me to take that blanket off your head?" the voice continues sawing on my nerves. "I'm sure you'd like it better if you could see."

A blanket is yanked from I eyes in a sudden motion that makes my head ache. How it got there, I don't know. What its purpose was, I don't have a clue. Once again- even the simplest of items can lead to supreme and utter annoyance.

"How's that?" the voice belongs to man who looks Hispanic. His light tan skin clashing handsomely with a pair of startling green eyes- damn. What the hell did they drug me with?

Now isn't the time to be lost in thought. Best keep it together for so as to keep my guard up. "Better, I guess. Where am I exactly?"

This room is worse than the last one, which is sad. There aren't any windows so the only light is a very weak fluorescent bulb that is flickering over the bed, casting dark shadows over the painfully bare walls of the room.

"You've been moved into the ICU ward while you were sleeping. I'm Dr. Mims, head of this ward." I notice that this room has limited furniture and four cameras in all the corners of the ceiling as well as another one of those baby monitor things.

"Why are there so many cameras?" I ask off topic, trying to see if this man has any personality at all. So far, I'm not getting much of a reaction.

"To watch you. We need to make sure you're in a completely calm state during your time here." Mims answers before taking out a notebook and pen. "Are you calm right now, Kurt? Do you feel any upset-ness what so ever?"

"I'm a little upset that I've been placed into a ward that looks like the opening for a Stephen King movie…" I sate, still trying to judge this man.

"Is that so? Does this room frighten you?" The man takes some notes. "That's very interesting. Are you often frightened of new surroundings?"

"No." This man is insane. He's got to be. What kind of questions are these? 'I just woke you up in a completely different room than the one you're asleep in, Kurt- does that frighten you?' What's next? Freddy Krueger and Jason both jumping out of the bathroom door and randomly breaking down into a 'High school Musical' like song?

"Very, very, interesting Kurt." He says, head bobbing when he speaks.

"Dr. Mims, if you wouldn't mind I'd like to talk to someone about my placement here. Would I speak to you about that or…someone else?"

Dr. Mims smiled at me like I've done something interesting while sitting in a chair beside my bed. "So you think you've been wrongly placed, do you?"

"I'm just saying that I believe your programs are meant for someone more... screwed up than I am."

Mims raises his brown, freshly plucked eyebrows. "Oh? I think this ward will be perfect for you Mister Wagner."

"I'm not hearing voices or seeing anything-"

"Really?"

"Yes, really." I stammer. There's no way they know anything I haven't told them. Even with one telepath on staff, the chances of him actually having evidence to back that claim up.

"By the way you have some visitors." Mims says happily ignoring my rudeness.

Annoyance flashes through my otherwise calm mind. "Are you serious? Already? I have things I want to ask you, first."

"Well, they said A.S.A.P. And I will answer your questions when it's time. Right now- it isn't. I'd like for you to be a little calmer with your visitors this time, by the way. Our rules aren't like the ones on the lower floors." he says leaving, his black and white shirt and loose black jeans kind of attesting to his "I don't care mood."

Williams walks into the small room happily, wearing a pale brown tee shirt and a normal pair of jeans. (Doctors don't always dress like I thought they would)

"It's polite to knock." I say a little loudly.

He smiles and leans over to knock on the wall. "Better?"

"Thank you." I'm trying to show him how collected I can be.

"I came here to explain some new changes that we didn't get to go over yet." He sounds serious, but looks ridiculous when he pulls one of the ugly orange plastic chairs over and sits in it back wards. "I'm no longer your doctor, for one."

"Oh, how horrible." I mummer trying to move my head a little- finding it hard due to the Velcro strap around the bottom of my neck and top half of my chest.

"Yeah.." he says watching me struggle. "They really didn't like that you lashed out physically at personnel." He shrugs a little. "I'm sure they'll take away some of the restraints once you've proved yourself to be calmer."

"If you're not my doctor… who is?" I ask. Hopefully this one will be easier to fool.

"Your new doctor is," he motions to the door as a short bald man enters. "Dr. Edwards." He smiles in greeting. "I think, after that little episode yesterday, he'll be much more suited to your needs than I am."

Dr. Edwards looks evil, but I think it might be the drugs still in my system. Or maybe the "lets pick apart everything you say" look he's wearing and the shiny glasses.

"You can go now Dr. Williams." He says while pulling the plastic chair Williams had been sitting in over closer to the bed.

"I was just going." Williams says cheerfully. "Bye Kurt."

"And how are we feeling this morning Kurt?" Edwards's glasses slide down his nose as he tilts his head towards me.

" " We" don't like it here." I mumble trying not to offend him.

Dr. Edwards smiles a little crooked grin at me. "You don't like it here? Your unhappy in an intensive psychiatric care unit, and you think this is abnormal enough to bother the staff with?"

"Sir, I was telling Dr. Mims earlier, I really think that I'm-"

"In the wrong ward. Blah, blah, blah. Basically your asking for special treatment, correct?"

After thinking about it I nod a little. "I'd be more than happy to go back to the other ward. I swear," I look at him, trying to win him over with some of that "charm" that Remy taught me. "I won't run away again."

"You know that if I'd had my way you'd be locked in a padded cell, locked up until your release date."

"Excuse-"

Dr. Edwards smiles a little. "You're rude, you're violent, childish, unresponsive… I think locking you up would make you be a little more respectful to the authority figures in you life."

"Like hell it would." I snap, breaking my 'charm'.

His smile stops me. "Unfortunately, in your condition, that wouldn't be a proper placement for you."

"In my.. condition?"

"Yes. Your far too disturbed far something so harsh. We need to coddle our little heroes failing mind to keep it from corroding in on itself, don't we?"

The silence falls on me like a ton of bricks. To this- I have no reply.

"Scary isn't it?" The man asks gently. "The mind. How one minute you're fine and then-" His hands raise from his lap and move through the air. "It's gone. Sanity- self control-" His eyes land on mine through his shiny glasses, "But we're going to take care of you. You are one of the world's protectors, are you not?" This man's lecture is putting me on edge. I don't like the way he's speaking at all. "Our poor little insanity ridden Nightcrawler, when you go back to the x-men," He smirks a little to himself. "If you go back to the x-men that is, you'll be completely capable of handling yourself on you your own."

"I want Dr. Williams." I state angrily. "I won't be spoken to like this."

Dr. Edwards laughs to himself. "That's so precious. You think you can actually tell me what to do? You see Kurt; you are in this ward because we, the doctors who've been observing you, have found you incapable of controlling yourself. That's why here," He motions around the room again, "You don't have any at all. I know this is going to be a little hard for you. We'll go slow."

"You don't have any right to tell me what I can and can't do!" I snap at him.

The man smiles again. "They didn't lie about that little attitude of yours, did they? You're being so confrontational, Kurt. Is that how you deal with your stress? Is that one of the 'excellent teqniques' that professor Xavier teaches his X-men?"

"I swear to God that if I don't get out of this ward I'm going to make your life a living hell!" I stare directly at the doctor- a trick that usually freaks people out.

Edwards walks around the bed, finger under his chin. "See the problem with that statement is that I control when and what you eat, when you get out of bed and where you can go, who you get to see, who you can talk to, and most importantly- when you get to leave." He cocks his bald at me. "Sounds like I could do more damage than you."

My face must show some of my shock because he laughs. "Don't worry Kurt. You're not the first patient to threaten me and you won't be the last. I won't hold it against you." He stares at me as if considering something, "No one is expecting you to take this well. Though I must say your handling it much better than I thought you'd be. I was expecting more screaming."

I close my eyes on this depressing room and the hopeless situation.

"What are you thinking?" The voice asks from beside my bed again.

"Am I going to get out of here?" I mumble wishing I could hide my face in my hands.

"Eventually." The man states as he turns away from me and towards the sound of clacking footsteps. A gust of warm air and something disgusting smelling drift into my senses as he sits back down.

When I open my eyes Eddy, something I've decided to call him due to it sounding friendlier and the fact that he's a prick, is sitting near my head holding a black ceramic bowl. He nods to the nurse who'd handed it to him and is now quickly retreating from the room.

"What's that?"

"Lunch. You have to eat something- I'm not cruel." The black bowls contents say otherwise. Its some kind of clumpy green soup looking thing. I'm usually an adventurous eater...but that's pushing it.

"Okay… but what is it?" I'm pretty sure I just saw it breathe. How do I know he's not going to set it on my chest and let it over take the rest of my body? What if it's some sort of alien fungus? Or worse-what if Kitty sent it from home?

"Mostly vegetables." Edwards laughs at my face. "You need a few of those to combat the perverted state of anorexia you've placed upon yourself."

"I wasn't anorexic! I just don't like eating."

"I'm not going to argue with you Kurt." Edwards says calmly. "I can tell already that arguing with you would be an impossible task due to you slipping into points where logic seems unnecessary."

Someone told him about yesterday... again one tiny little slip up is going to ruin my whole day.

"I'm not eating that." I enunciate very carefully so he hears me clearly.

"After all the time someone spent slaving over a hot stove to make it?" he drones with mock sincerity.

I just look at him.

"Well, you don't have that much of a choice." Edwards says while sitting in the same ugly orange chair as before, only this time he's unnervingly close.

"I can't choose what I eat? Surely I can "handle" myself long enough to decide what to eat." I start to laugh, but stop when I see his face.

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard since I've been here." I snap, watching him drag the spoon through the nasty green shit.

"So? Trying to kill yourself is the most ridiculous thing I've heard of, and people try to do that anyway." Edwards finishes stirring the concoction and lifts it to my mouth.

"I'm not eating that." I repeat.

"Just hold still and open your mouth."

"Wait, wait, wait- You're going to feed me?" I laugh. How can I not? I can't fight with this guy. On top of that, he runs my life and I've already pissed him off! So, whether I want to or not, it looks like I'll be eventually doing what he wants me too. Stockholm Syndrome or something like that.

"Yes." He responds tiredly.

"I'm not hungry." I sate quickly before turning my head as much as the restraints will allow.

"Kurt- stop being difficult. I've got other patients."

I turn back at stare at him. "Then send me back to the other ward!"

His hand holds the silver spoon filled with the concoction. "You're not leaving this ward, you are eating, and you will stop fighting with me. DO you understand? There are no other choices. This is like my house- got that? I run it. And you as child have to listen to what I tell you to."

"Can I call you Eddy?" I ask to throw him off and distract him. If can't fight him, I can at least annoy him. That's always been Jamie's strategy back home… I don't see why it wouldn't work here.

"I would prefer if you wouldn't but that is completely up to you." Edwards says unfazed. Damn this guy is good. "Now Kurt, lets try this again. Open your mouth."

I start to say something but he shoves the spoon in my mouth. Of all the times I could choose to run my mouth off…

I can't help but gag, as bad as it looked, it tastes ten times worse. When I described it as predigested I didn't actually think it'd taste like shit.

"If you throw up, you'll still have to eat it." Eddy informs me as I force myself to stomach it. "I'd just have to get someone in here to bathe you. You know how much trouble that would be for everyone? All over a little bit of food?"

I sallow it only because I'd piss the "man" of this ward off if I spit into his hand. Which is something I would have done if it had been one of the x-men doing this to me.

"Yum." The bald man teases.

"Is this your way of making me talk?" I ask angrily. If so- this man could be an agent of Hydra, S.H.I.E.L.D, hell this dude would make the monsters at weapon X look like playground bullies. There's a scary thought. Weapon X taking in kids...thank God they weren't in Germany.

"No." Edwards smiles sweetly. "This is how you eat in ICU since we can't trust you to behave long enough to feed yourself."

"I want Dr. Williams back." I state again, pulling against the restraints.

Edwards laughs. "You've already said that." He waits out my random struggling, that gets me nowhere, looking bored. "Ready?" he asks lifting up the spoon again.

"No." I'm cut off again by the spoon full of solid stuff.

This continues for 10 minutes.

"All gone." Edwards sings dragging the spoon on the bottom of the bowl.

I feel like I'm going to throw up.

"Are you okay?" The man asks, actual emotion showing up in his voice.

"I think I'm going to be sick." I moan.

"Kurt, that's no way to get back at me." Edwards scolds and gets up babbling about "childish" this and "immature" that.

"I'm not getting back at you, I really think I'm going to…" The green liquid spilling itself back to the bed drowns the words out.

"Oh, look. You weren't lying." Eddy says in shock. This man is unbearable. He force feeds me, taunts me about it, and then acts surprised when I throw up all over myself.

"Can I please wash up? I really hate wearing my lunch."

Dr. Edwards stands up. "Nurse?" he calls into the circle on the wall.

"Yes sir." A red headed nurse comes into the room- wearing a pink nurse shirt and pants- like on TV.

"Will you help me get him cleaned up?" Eddy points to me. "He didn't like the food."

"Poor thing." The woman says softly. "Maybe you should try some toast or something next time, Doctor." She says pointedly. "The other patients seem to handle that well."

They pull off my blankets, undo my restraints, and let me out of bed.

"I'll go get him a wash cloth. Don't think about going anywhere Kurt. There are four guards at the both end of the hallway, and you don't want to know what happens next time you try to escape."

When he leaves I glance at the nurse who's standing very close to me while changing my sheets. At any minute she could just reach out and grab me- making escape impossible. On the other hand, she looks sweet. Shy, almost. What on earth was a woman like this doing in this kind of ward?

"Can I help you?" She asks glancing up.

"Oh, sorry. You just look familiar." I tell to those green eyes set oddly with bright red hair.

She laughs, making her green eyes dance happily.

The Nurse looks like Jean. God I miss the others so bad. I wish Scott wouldn't have left; I'd love to hear him talking about useless things I don't care about right now. Hell, I'd even settle for Bobby at the moment… anyone. Literally anyone, was welcome. Just to have someone familiar to talk with.

"I get that a lot."

"Here we go." Edwards announces coming back into the room. He hands me a cloth, and opens the door to the bathroom.

This bathroom is smaller than small- looking more likes a playtime bathroom than an actual one. The walls are white, the lights are white, the shower curtains are off white...the tiles on the floor are white and black- I'm catching a pattern again.

Stepping into the cold tiled shower I'm met with some other little patterns ...they don't like heat much here. The water that sprayed from the oddly high up spout was freezing.

"Do hurry Kurt." The doctor complains. "Really, you're only allowed five minutes in the shower…"

"What if I take more?" I ask around the chattering of my teeth.

The man smirks. "I come over there and forcibly remove you from the shower. We don't play around in this ward. The only thing we want you to focus on is getting well again. That means, showers, food, TV. , schedules- we take care of all of that. If you don't like it… well" He shrugs. "That's too bad."

When I'm back in bed, dried off and changed into a pair of black shorts, Eddy locks the restraints and the bathroom door.

"That was exciting." He says, emotionless.

"Really? Maybe you should get out more often."

The man sneers at me. "I've asked for professor Xavier to come and chat with you." Edwards says smugly. "Please try and remain calm." Eddy drones on and on. I wish he'd just get over himself and shut up. He didn't even acknowledge my joke. Rude.

The professor and Storm come into the overly small room a few minutes after being announced. Both are dressed eloquently as if anyone walking past them couldn't get the "we live in mansion" feel from them- they had to prove it with clothing.

"What could you possibly want now?" I turn my head as far away from them as I can, only to feel how tangled my hair is from being washed so briefly.

Storm smiles displaying perfect white teeth, "How are you?" she isn't picking up on the unwanted vibes. Either that or she just doesn't care.

"Sore, sick, and oh yeah, in case I haven't mentioned this yet, I want to go home." I don't yell this, I don't scream- In fact, my voice sounds a little more broken than anything else.

"Now Kurt, honestly, do you really want to fight again? I really don't want to see what comes after this ward." the professor sounds kind of sad.

"Like you care…" I snap as he wheels himself behind my bed and the mattress lowers to the point where I'm staring up at him. I could have overacted, but that would be giving them what they wanted.

"What's going on now?" I can't really turn my head much to see, but I'm pretty sure I get the jest of what he's trying to do.

"I'm going to read your mind." He answers calmly, his skin pale against the tan suit he's wearing.

"I didn't give anyone permission to mess around in my head." I state coldly.

"Dr. Edwards said it was necessary." Storm informs in her sweetly accented voice. "We don't condone this action, but it was either us or some random telapath… we thought you'd appreciate the discretion."

"Now close your eyes and relax." The professor orders, no more playing around.

"I don't want you in my head." I barely whisper, being very childlike.

"**Just relax."** He whispers through my mind.

I've only had this done once, when I'd seen something that the other x-men hadn't, but this was different from then. Instead of going to a particular scene, I was surrounded by darkness. Like the opening of a movie or something

"**Now, when did this all start?"** a voice called, sounding like the rush of wind through the forest in the midnight blackness of winter. I feel like going to that voice; I'll give it anything if it will keep speaking to me.

"**Show me."** The voice demands.

I have one thing about this whole ordeal's origin… but I don't remember how I got it. I guess it's a memory, but it's more like a dream. I mainly remember smells and sensations- not really the words or the scenery. I pull it from the back of my mind and show it to the peace filled voice.


	6. Chapter 6

_The scene shifts into the dismal blackness of a night sky and blurring white of snow on the ground. Everything is in crystal around me. For once, in this odd, odd place- there is no confusion, no fear._

_It's almost worth the distant knowledge that I didn't want to be doing this in the first place._

_In the scene in front of me, trees rush by on both sides of a woman running. The night air is freezing as she runs towards the dead end of the falls._

_My mother… I only know this because I'd had this dream since the first time I'd met her. It's like there's some sort of bond there… even though neither of us want it._

_One could say it's the only thing she ever gave me._

_The dream goes as it always does- sadly. The presence beside me, the voice I was talking to earlier, doesn't want me to be sad though. It prods me to continue._

_Loud voices call from behind Mystique, as she stares to the sky. She curses my father and throws me over the falls._

_I close my eyes and I'm back in the darkness._

"**Go deeper."** The voice instructs before soothing, **"It will be fine."**

There are too many memories, too many nightmares I've kept hidden. How do I even begin to unravel this?

It feels like my mind is trying to supply things that shouldn't be there. Like I have memories that my mind won't remember. But that's insane right? You're mind can't block things out on it's own... I can't possibly have memories that I myself can't remember… it's impossible.

But the voice asked so nicely for information, it would be rude not to show it what it wants to see. So I find a memory that I keep very, very, close to me.

_I'm in Germany this time, three years before the present._

_It's dark in the town square that I'm standing in, probably because all of the street lamps are cut off. The night air is filled with Magic, murder, and blood. This… this I remember._

_Thirteen small bodies float in the fountain in the middle of the square. I don't have to look to see them, brutalized and still in the red water._

_I glance to my left and see me, at least me three years ago._

_I'm trying to reason with my foster brother Stefan who, sadly, is the reason for the dead children._

_I remember thinking, **"He's sick",** and that Margali could fix him._

_I've relived this every night since it happened. I want out of here, I want to escape this but when I try; I can't._

_A little boy coughs up blood and sits up from the small pile of bodies on the floor beside Stefan's feet. I'd almost gotten the knife from Stefan when he heard him._

"_**Professor please!" **__I remember him bringing me here, so he should be able to take me home- right? I scream at the top of my lungs, hoping to stop this. I see myself teleport after Stefan, see my arms going around his neck…_

"_**MOVE STEFAN!"**__ I cry loudly, but he can't hear me. I'm not really here, and he's been dead for three years. It's all just some macabre play or something._

_The young me wraps himself around Stefan, giving way to the painfully dry crack of his neck snapping._

_To this day, I don't know why Stefan turned his head. For once in his life, why couldn't he have just held still?_

_Un-shed tears are in my eyes, as I watch his motionless body fall to the ground. Cooling in the soft white snow._

_Why did this seem so familiar? I'm almost certain that Stefan is the only person I've ever seen die. Yet, it seems so monotonously familiar._

* * *

The world spins again, returning me to the hospital.

I can hear voices, I fell the thin blankets covering me, see the bare depressing walls, and (sadly) the piteous stares of several older people I'd rather not have staring at me.

"Kurt Wagner," The professor states gravely. "Where on earth did you get those shields?"

"I'm not sure." I mumble.

"What are you blocking Kurt?" he presses.

"I don't know," I start to panic. "I don't know, please stop yelling at me!"

"No one is yelling." Xavier says softly. "If you don't know, you don't know. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Okay." I state, exhaling loudly.

The man nods to himself, slowly taking my hand in his. "We only went over two memories," the professor says to the people around me. "I don't think it wise to dig anymore today; Kurt's not stable enough." He turns his attention to me. "None of this was your fault, you know this right Kurt?"

"Yeah, it was." I whisper more to myself than him.

"May I inquire as to what you found?" Dr. Edwards really is a dick if he can't see that we need a moment here.

"I will discuss it with you in private." Professor Xavier sounds kind of mad at Edwards. It's about time he pissed someone off that wasn't me.

Storm looks slightly sad as she comes to stand near the bed. "I saw your reactions child, why wouldn't you inform us that you were having problems?" The woman grabs my hand tightly. "I would have done anything to help you Kurt, you know that."

I laugh harshly. "Oh? What would you have done? Made my mother not hate me? Brought my brother back to life?"

"No." She looks down shocked; " I would have made it more bearable." Ororo sounds so confident that she could have helped me… so sure. It actually makes me feel guilty.

"Well now," Edwards just sounds evil. "It seems we might have made a little bit of progress after all." He's now standing over me with everyone else. "Would you care to elaborate Kurt?"

"If it's all the same to you Dr. Edwards," I try not to choke on the bile that the sentence I'm saying is making rise in my throat. "I'd rather not."

"It might get you out of here earlier…" He taunts.

"Dr. Edwards!" Storm actually sounds shocked.

The man shrugs off her protest before turning back to Xavier." So will he be "Stable" enough to try this again later?" Edwards put two fingers up around "stable", like I was lying.

"Most likely." Sighs the professor. "Ororo, would you mind staying with Kurt while Dr. Edwards and I discuss things?" The professor is painfully polite, as always.

"Sure." Storm responds happily placing her hand on my shoulder, even though it's awkward due to no one putting the bed back into its original position.

"Very well."

I close my eyes while trying to force what I've seen to go black; it won't. Over and over it plays, frame by frame, scene by scene- it's like a macabre marathon playing on the back of my eye lids.

All I see is Stefan's lifeless corpse, staring up at me as if to say "We both know you did this."..."Look what you've done".

I feel so helpless here, I don't even get a say in what nightmares I'll be reliving.

If I've got to relive my own personal hell, shouldn't I get to choose which version?

"Kurt?" Storm sounds worried as she leans over me.

"I'm fine. Just tired." Lying, I open my eyes to see her beautiful face inches from me.

"You're crying." She informs, while wiping a tear from my face." You miss your brother a lot, don't you?"

"He wasn't my real brother…" I explain, feeling a need to have her understand the correct facts about him. "But he was close enough to be."

Storm smiles. "Blood isn't the only thing that makes a family a family, child."

"Ororo… He was so angry at me." I whisper. "He wouldn't let me explain."

"Explain what?" The African goddess asks, her odd blue eyes glinting sharply.

I shake my head rapidly. "I can't remember. I can't remember! What is wrong with me? I could remember shit like this yesterday-"

Those eyes don't lose any sharpness. "Do you think the professor could make you remember? Would you like to try that again?"

"I don't really know. Part of me thinks it's best I don't."

"Okay Kurt." she let's our silence sit.

Ororo really impresses me in this one aspect. She knows that we're children and treats us like it when called for. But she also understands that we're adults (well semi adults anyway) and treats us like that. She understands that right now I want to be an adult. Even though right now, I'm shaking like a six-year old- Not the sixteen year old I am.

Normally sixteen year olds don't kill, spend weeks training, or save the world on a day to day then, normally they're not blue either. I guess the weirdness just comes with the whole mutant/orphan/circus freak appeal I seem to pull off.

I know it's wrong, but I completely blame my parents for this.

Isn't it bad enough that they gave me defective genes? I mean did they have to leave alone too? Isn't one of these charges enough for like… a hanging or something? IF they'd used a fucking condom we wouldn't be in this predicament would we?

The usual anger flares up in me when I think about them followed by the idea that if they, or maybe just one of them, had raised me if things would be different.

"What are you thinking about?" Storm is trying to keep me interested in a conversation so that I don't withdraw. I've seen her do this with the people we take into custody.

"Nothing." I say quickly.

"It didn't look like nothing." She says in a soft singsong voice.

I remain silent; taking her bait won't get me anywhere.

My choosing not to respond leads to an awkward silence that stays for about five minutes.

I listen to the hum of my room. Chilling and eerie as it is, that silent harshness is starting to sound comforting.

The comforting feeling leaves as soon as the professor and Dr. Edwards come back into the room.

"The professor and I had a discussion about what he discovered today." Edwards is smiling which means something is wrong.

"And?"

"And I want to talk with you about it." He sits on the very edge of my bed after raising it up from it's reclined position. "Why did you say that your mother hated you?"

I give him the ice-cold glare he deserves. "I don't talk about this with my closest of friends." I stop and make sure he's paying attention. "Why would I discuss it with someone I don't know or like?"

"Chilling." He replies unfazed. "So why does she hate you?"

"I'm not discussing this." I snap.

"Were you bad as a young child?"

"NO." I snap again.

"Did you drive a wedge between your father and her?" He has this hopeful gleam in his eye. Scary.

"No."

"From what the professor sensed, this is a major problem in your mind. So I have to start here. This would go faster if you would corporate." He places his hand on the tip of my tail.

I ought to shove it through his eye sockets, but that would be "miss using my God given abilities" as Warren puts it. Leave it to the guy that looks like an Angel to get all religious.

"So…." Edwards keeps pushing.

"So, I'm not going to talk about it. Conversation closed."

"Why?" he pushes again.

"I'm sorry, but I can't discuss this with you." He rubs his bald head really hard. I think he's trying not to slap me. It scares me to see that he's used this expression on me. It scares me more to see someone raising a hand to me. I'm really jumpy around physical violence as of late- quite a problem to be in if you're an x-man. That also was the reason why I was skipping out on danger room sessions.

"This is obviously a very painful subject." The professor is catching on to the fact that Edwards is pissing me off while sitting within striking distance.

Best to keep the crazy kid calm and quiet. Especially within arms reach

"But why is it so painful? That is the question that needs to be answered." He snaps while patting my leg. A very mixed signal.

I'm getting tired of this; it's my head, why can't they just leave it alone?

"She abandoned me for almost getting her killed."

"Well that doesn't mean she HATES you." Edwards smiles.

I blink slowly. This man is so carelessly clueless. "She threw me over a water fall."

"Now if that was true, you wouldn't be here."

"My father saved me." I say softly, despite my anger.

"Oh then I suppose that would make sense." His smile faded a little bit.

"Then he gave me to a friend of his to raise." I finish, knowing that's what the next question would be. It's what it always is when I got into depth about my parental beings.

"Is this where," he flips through a small note pad he apparently had taken notes in. "Stefan comes in?"

I want to slap him just for mentioning Stefan's name. He wouldn't like being talked about in a psych ward, he wouldn't like being in a hospital at all.

I remember when we were younger, our mother had to literally knock him out, to get him to the hospital after he'd stepped on a board and gotten two nails through his always claimed to "not trust" doctors because they got paid too much. I never really got it, but he stuck by his stupid rules as long as I'd known him.

I give Edwards the ice filled glance that he deserves.

"Dr. Edwards, I don't think Kurt is stable enough for this right now." The professor gives this advice in the form of a demand.

Edwards stands up and stretches." I suppose your right." He turns without another word and leaves.

"Vas- Wait!" I yell after the man, shocked at his odd departure.

"What?" he asks sticking his head back in the door.

"What am I supposed to do?" I plead.

"Hmm, you can do anything that doesn't involve moving, bodily harm to you or anyone around you, or watching TV." He smiles. "Seeing as all of the above are impossible for you TO do, I guess you sit here and do nothing. Have fun."

"You just can't leave like that!" I snap, tugging at the restraints again.

The man smirks. "Believe it or not Mr. Wagner, your not the only person with issues in the world. There are other patients on this ward and I have to go attend to them now." He leaves without another word.

We sit in silence; apparently the Professor and Storm aren't leaving.

"I don't want you to do that again." I break the silence with my soft demand.

The professor gives me a confused glance. "Pardon?"

"I don't want you in my head again." I say weakly.

" Well that can't be avoided." He says apologetically.

I panic a little at that. "I promise I'll answer any questions they ask, eat whatever they want me to..." I glance up to see if he's going along with this, " I won't fight with the doctors anymore." I say quickly noticing that his expression hasn't changed.

"It's just a tad late for that."

"Please- you don't understand; the deeper you go, the more I remember. And I'm remembering things that I don't even remember doing. It's confusing." I try to keep my voice calm, freaking out will only make them put me back to sleep.

"Kurt, that's sort of the point; for you to remember." He chuckles like I've said something stupid.

"No, no, no! You still don't get it! Listen to me, I don't want to remember." I rush this out.

"I see." He says thoughtfully. "Those are indeed painful memories, and I understand why you don't want them relived. But you're going to have to look at this from the adults point of view."

I'm completely lost for words; I guess it figures that he'd side with the others.

"You are a sixteen year old boy who was depressed, for reasons no one knew; who happened to try to kill himself." He looks at me sternly, "Now don't you think we have a right to know what might have spurred this up?"

"I suppose so." I answer with my head down.

I don't know what tomorrows session will bring into light, and I fear the consequences. I really can't deal with this, this man who I've seen as a father is going to dig through my worst nightmares. I don't know what's in my head, and I doubt that I'll even be let back into the mansion if he finds out. I mean he'd only gotten a hold of two memories today, two of the lamer ones that circled through my mind mostly when I sleep. Tomorrow he could easily get to some of the more violent things; things that he shouldn't see about had to be a way to keep this from happening, I could not lose another home.

But all the possibilities seem to be out of reach. I'm literally out of options; like many other times before.

"So it's true." A voice called me from my thoughts, shaking up every well-learned fear I have. "I cannot believe this."

"What are you doing here?" the professor sounds scared and shocked at the same time.

The owner of the voice chuckled. "Coming to take my share of my poor son's insanity." An evil laugh followed this. "Surely he's talked about me by now. Something along the lines of ' daddy gave me away and now my life is so hard and horrible' most likely. It may have changed in telling by now."


	7. Chapter 7

Azazel shouldn't be here, nor do I want him to be.

My father isn't allowed in this dimension under any circumstances. He is far too powerful; too evil.

A thousand years ago or so he got placed under a kind of … 'banishment'. At least that's what he told me when I asked. Though to be honest, I get the feeling that was only half of the real explanation.

"What do you want?" I ask venomously. The first rule when dealing with my father is to never let him see your weaknesses. I don't care if I'm bleeding from the ears, I will never act injured or weak in front of this man.

He takes the seat edge of my bed, just a little to close to Storm. She visibly shudders. "I came to see you." Azazel answers while running the tip of his tail over my hand. "I apologize for not signing up for a visit with your doctors… I thought you'd appreciate me coming to see you straight away. I know seeing my name on a list and having to wait would have driven you crazy."

"Who let you out?" I ask jerking at my restraints to get away from his 'comforting' touches..

"I made a bargain with Doctor Strange." He cuts his eyes to the professor. "Stephen seemed to agree that a father has the right visit one of his ill children." The voice he chooses to act with tonight is that calm and soothing tone you'd use on pre-school kids or suicide jumpers. Azazel runs his long red fingers through my tangled hair. "Not treating you well here, are they my littlest one? You look like shit."

"Since when do you care?" And thank you father for being so kind with your words in front of my teammates.

"So angry Kurt." He says mockingly. "You've been here what two, three days? I thought it would have mellowed you out." He gives his infamous half smile, "But to answer your question, I care immensely that you're here. I, for one, am truly upset about this."

Oh, that's a riot. He's truly upset- like I'm supposed to believe that. "I've got no money Azazel." I state, sure that's what he's after.

The man laughs loudly at me. "Like I need your money, child."

"Then why are you here?" Why does he have to be so confusing?

"I told you- I wanted to come and see if you were alright… it's really not everyday one's child is locked in a mental asylum." He shakes his head. "What did you do little one? Get a little over your head? Suicide is a horrible extreme for someone so young to jump to without any warning." His eyes go deadly serious. "Did you and your mother have a spat?"

"Go to Hell!" I yell, louder than I meant to.

He laughs good naturedly. "In time, Kurt. All in time." Azazel raises his left eyebrow. "And watch your mouth. It would truly be a shame if you made me too mad to take you with me when I go. It is what I came here to do, after all."

"How?" I ask suspiciously. Angry or not, I want OUT of here.

He looks at me and smiles, "I can do anything."

Azazel does seem to look the part of "demonic overlord" today. He's dressed in black leather pants, cut off at the knee by gray leather boots, and a long button up shirt that's only buttoned once, leaving his chest exposed.

Footsteps outside announce that some unsuspecting soul is about to walk in on my little "All of My Children" like reunion. For a second I strain to listen and put forth all the effort I can into hoping that the footsteps are for another room.

When the doctor who had so recently departed appears in the doorway, I know I've failed. "Kurt, I was thinking…" My loving doctor stops dead in his tracks. "And who's this?"

"Kurt's **father** came to visit him." The professor answers casually, though the look on his face is clearly warning him to tread carefully.

"Father?" The man looks me over like I've done something interesting. "The same father that you've absolutely refused to talk about during your stay here?"

"That would be the one." I murmur.

Azazel glances at the other man and I notice that Storm has moved as far away from Azazel as she can get. I don't blame her; I have too many fatherless half brothers and sisters to.

"And you are?" Azazel is ruder than Edwards, since his usually treated like a king. He's way scarier than Edwards too; he looks like me only his skin is a dark blood red and he has all of his digits. If you were going all clichéd with descriptions, you would say that he looks like Satan. (Minus the hooves and crap people throw on there)

"Doctor Sherman Edwards." Eddy answers pompously. "I'm sorry to say that I haven't heard much about you. You see, normally I'm more informed on my patients back grounds, but your son refuses to release any information about his mother or yourself."

"Kurt's a very private boy." Azazel says thoughtfully.

Boy. He's calling ME a boy?

"Hmm… I see."

"Sherman," The professor states calmly, "While I appreciate your getting along with Azazel and all, maybe you and he should discuss why he's actually here… "

"And then promptly tell him to get the fuck out." I state, smirking a little.

"That word." Edwards says, rolling his eyes. "You and that word. I ought to make you bite the soap bar."

"Put your hand near my face and we'll see just what gets bitten." I growl.

Azazel gives me one of those parental "What are you doing" looks. "Play quietly Kurt, daddy's working." He coos while turning away from me.

The bald doctor man shrugs this off. "At any rate, its nice to meet you Azazel… was it?" Edwards says looking him over. "An odd name."

The red man glares at him.

"I mean no disrespect." The man says quickly. "It just sounds…. Old."

That makes my father chuckle at the man's expense. "Being born a millennia back will tend to cause that effect."

"I see." He clears his throat. " Well, since you're already here, would you mind explaining why you didn't sign up for visitation like a NORMAL Parent?"

Azazel chuckles. "I'm not an average parent, if you hadn't noticed. I did get through all of your 'security' without a problem."

"And you did this because…"

"Because I'm not allowed out of my dimension for more than a few days at a time. There's no way I'm going to spend what little time I do have waiting."

Edwards stares at my father coolly. "Rules are rules, Azazel." He coughs. "But since you're here and the only biological parent that will talk to me, would you mind talking about any mental illnesses that might run in Kurt's family? Might as well get something out of this visitation." He sighs. "Like I told you before, your son has been most uncooperative in this field."

See the funny thing with this is that I don't really have too much of a family tree. Most of my half- siblings were killed at birth, my dad is like two thousand years old, and my mom has slept with almost every guy walking and seems to be keeping around the same age for the last 100 years; so one could say that its hard to trace.

"What?" Azazel's eyes cloud over in confusion.

"You know, tell me about illnesses of the mental variety in his family."

Azazel still looks confused.

"He wants to know if anyone else has ever gone crazy." I state hiding most of the anger in voice. "Not that I'm 'mental' or anything."

"Oh, that." Azazel pauses as if thinking. "He gets that from his mother." He leans over towards Edwards. "She wasn't the most stable of people either."

Edwards gives a small laugh, as if the bastard knew her.

"Oh and I'm certain your leaving while she was pregnant had nothing to do with her "instability"?" I ask trying to stick up for her because she wasn't here. He ignores me.

"Bad breeding, I'm afraid."

"You always talk about us like we're your fucking dogs!" I snap getting his attention. "Is that why your really here? One of the pups is fucking up and making the breeder look bad." My eyes are glowering. "Is that it?"

"Come now little one, you know I don't think of any of my children as dogs." He laughs. "Investments, maybe." When he sees my expression he says softly, "I was merely making a comment on your mother." Azazel chuckles again.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" If looks could kill my father wouldn't be standing. Seeing as that isn't one of the powers he bestowed upon my helpless fetus self, he stands. "What part of any of this is even slightly amusing to you?"

"You." Azazel shakes his head like I've done something cute. "So little and confused, pretending your not scared. Like you're not shaking underneath those covers when we both know that you are." Is it a wonder why I often claim no relation to this man? "Defensive too, aren't you Kurt? I'm guessing your days here haven't been as pleasant as the other patients."

"Why aren't you helping?" I ask turning to the professor.

"I'm sorry Kurt, but Azazel hasn't done anything remotely threatening. And there really is nothing I can do to make him leave, anyway." He says sadly.

Azazel laughs loudly, making me wonder if he's sober. "You just proved me right, little one."

"What are you talking about?" I snap in frustration.

"You just asked to be rescued."

I'm glad he's enjoying himself; a bored or pissed Azazel is always a negative thing.

"Edwards, was it?" Azazel turns to the man in question.

"Yes?" Eddy looks kind of shocked that Azazel is talking directly to him.

"I'll be taking Kurt with me."

My jaw drops at his bluntness- but that's all I find surprising about this. Azazel's slyly brought up the matter of custody over the years. Just enough to show that's he's interested, mind you. Not enough to be father of the year or anything. Still, it's gotten him in good with some powerful people out here.

"You can't just -"

"I'm not asking." Azazel interrupts with a raised hand.

"Azazel, be reasonable." Storm interjects.

The look he gives her is an odd mix of lust and anger. She sits down without another word.

"I left MY son in an environment that would nurture are protect him. I turn my back and he's in a different country, living with people that I have never personally met, and completely different environment. But I let that go. Now I hear from someone who **isn't** even living in Kurt's home that he's "ill" and tried to kill himself. Do you know how humiliating it is to hear that your sixteen year old has tried to kill himself from some complete stranger? Can you imagine not knowing what the hell is going on with your own child?" Azazel's voice is dripping with ice as he shoots this at the professor.

He turns his attention to me. "I want to keep you somewhere safe. And apparently the only way I'm going to be able to do that is to personally lock you away. Away form this pointless little "x-man" game your playing, away from the jets and weapons, and training...away from these stupid humans and what they can do to your fragile psyche." Azazel pats my hand solidly. "It's for your own good."

Did I mention that he's a mutant who hates humans? I personally think it had something to do with his father, but he won't tell me.

"Now wait just a minute!" Edwards seems to have recovered some ground with the whole "being scared by a just a look" thing.

Azazel's eyes, which are already black, seem to be drowning in darkness as the room starts to quake.

"How dare **YOU** order me!" Everyone other than my father and I are on the floor.

"STOP THIS INSTANT! THIS IS MY HOSPITAL AND I'LL NOT HAVE YOU TURNING IT INTO SOME SORT OF MUTANT MAD HOUSE." Edwards is starting to show his own slight fear of mutants I think. And humor. Since this is technically a mutant mad House.

"**MORE** orders from you?" Azazel clenches his fist, causing what sounded like every window in the psychiatric ward to break simultaneously.

"Seriously Azazel? Glass in a ward for the mentally disturbed?" Ororo asks from the floor.

Azazel shrugs. "I'm not that stupid Storm. It fell outwards. Really the only damage is the medical staffs cars.."

"Professor?" I ask with panic heavy in my voice.

The older man puts two fingers two his forehead.

"Stay out of this Xavier!" Azazel screams.

"Stop this and we'll consider your proposition." The professor says calmly.

"All right." Azazel glances cockily at Edwards, huddled in a tight ball on the floor.

The floors, windows, and walls stop shaking instantly.

"Thank you. Now what do you want?" Edwards snaps, apparently to make up for the being scared shit-less.

I can see Azazel's whole body tense up.

"Sherman," Storm intrudes on his stupidity. "We'll handle this."

"I want to take MY son home with me." Azazel states sitting on the bed and glancing at me.

"And if we refuse to let you have him?" Edwards completely ignores Strom's warning.

Azazel smiles and says, "I take him by force and everyone in this building will die."

"And how to you plan to do that, Azazel?"

"I'll collapse it." Azazel answers simply.

"Don't ask how." The professor sighs before Edwards can speak. "We don't need another demonstration."

"Fine." The doctor snaps childishly pulling himself from the floor. He turns around after he dusts off his jacket. "Azazel, you can take him."

The professor eyes fill with a hot anger that I've never thought he owned. "It's your job, Dr. Edwards, to see that Kurt recovers; not pawn him off on someone else. If you carry this through I can guarantee that I'll sue you for every cent you own."

Edwards smiles evilly at him. "I am Kurt's doctor, am I not?"

"And your point is?" I love interrupting monologues, its always so much fun to be ignored.

"So the method of treatment I'm prescribing for his apparent deep rooted family issues, is that he sort them out with said family."

A cool wind is ripping through the room which means Storm is angry. It'll be a bitch for Edwards.

"Ororo." The professor calls softly.

"How is this "treatment" going to help with the fact that Kurt is trying TO KILL HIMSELF?"

Azazel smiles and says softly, "Storm, I assure you that our little disturbed Nightcrawler won't be able to harm himself while under my care."

The wind dies down a little, but the air is tingling with the promise of power.

Edwards shakes his head, "Why don't we make a deal," he glances quickly at the professor, " To ease your worries."

The professor puts his hand under his chin, a sign that he's thinking very hard on something very important. "Lets."

Edwards rubs his bald head, " Kurt goes with his father under the requirements that he MUST continue to receive psychiatric medication, all the therapy he needs, and that he has to be supervised as if he were here at the hospital." The professor is rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Sounds reasonable, if we get a written promise from Azazel that Kurt won't be harmed."

"And that we get to visit Kurt every three days." Storm interjects before anyone else can say anything.

"Uh- visitors, I hate entertaining." Azazel smiles at me like I'm supposed to get his joke. If I had five fingers, I'd flip him off. If I did it with my hands he'd just think I was pointing. Life sucks like that.

"Do we have a deal then?" Edwards asks impatiently.

I lay here motionless, once again watching my life in the hands of other people.

"Deal." Sighs the professor.

"PROFESSOR!"

"Kurt it's the lesser of two evils."

"THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS? He's like the ultimate evil!"

The professor looks at me sadly. "It's the lesser of two evils." He repeats.

"Well then," Azazel coughs, "why don't we get your things and get going?" He stands up and stretches.

"I'm still strapped in." I say weakly.

Azazel merely glances at the restraints and they fall off. I stand on my feet shakily.

"I'm not really… feeling well." I stammer, pushing my back to the wall.

Azazel steps in front of me, having to bend down a little so that he's maintaining eye contact. "I'm sure you'll feel better once we've made the leap."

Leap- he calls it. That's how advanced his teleporting is.

Not knowing what to say, I nod. The man in front of me smiles. "You don't have to be frightened Kurt, I'm going to take good care of you."

Again, all I can do is nod.

My father sighs. "Say your goodbyes, little one. I'd like to get you settled in before nightfall."

"Right." I stammer, turning to the two x-men in the room. "I guess this is goodbye, then."

"For now." The professor says gently. "Be careful Kurt."

Azazel extends his hand to me. "I'll be coming back for his things later this evening." He says to the professor.

I take my father's firm hand into my trembling one. Like thousands of times before this moment, my body tingles, my pulse rushes, and invisible wind brushes my face, and all I hear is a "bamf" followed by clouds of smoke.


	8. Chapter 8

I'm pretty sure I'm dreaming again.

If I'm not, I wish I were. Everyday in this hellish realm is some sort of nightmare... so I suppose it doesn't matter one way or the other. Sleeping, waking…. There's really no point in it anymore, anyway. I barely even converse with anyone here.

"Little one…" a voice calls after a long creak of the door that leads to my dark little chamber.

I jump a little, cursing myself instantly.

"Ah, I see that we're awake." Ydrazil, a very close friend of my father, towers over me smiling that smile that only comes when you get the unique pleasure of waking someone up. "Oh." He teases. "Did I scare the little one?"

It's not the fallen angel appeal that makes Ydrazil scary, though admittedly that helps. No, personally I think it's his ability to be over whelming scary with out even saying anything threatening. Then again, he's very, very old- he's had a lot of time to practice.

"Good morning." I mumble sitting up in my four-poster bed and staring out the window to avoid looking at Ydrazil. "I'm sure you've come here for something unpleasant… so you can stop the whole 'scary' deal."

"Good afternoon." He corrects cockily, ignoring my other statement.

I glance out the bars of my window. Isn't that great? Not only am I forced to be here- but I'm actually in a prison. How ironic is that? The landscape outside of the iron hasn't changed any since yesterday morning. Or the day before that...or the day before that.

Bare trees reach their skinny, dead, arms to the sky as if praying for redemption while undying flames lick at their roots. Rocks, dirt and lava scatter themselves every other step- that's just outside of the palace walls though. I don't know what the grounds I'm allowed to be on look like, because I haven't actually BEEN ALLOWED to see them. Azazel, as it turns out, is pretty strict.

"Yes, well your father requests that you join us for lunch today." Yidrazil raises a smug eyebrow. "Will you be needing any assistance?"

Of course he had to bring up the fact that he's had to force me from bed and dress me for the last three days or so. Annoying fucker. I'll be damned if he does it today.

I smile back "No thank you, I can dress myself. I'd prefer for old men not to touch me."

"If you say so." He raises his eyebrows and leaves without another word.

I pull myself out of bed, draping the silky black covers back over the feather filled mattress.

My room is dark, like every other time I've woken up in it. Seriously, castles? Not good for the depressed. Some brilliant asshole thought that idea up.

I stand there staring at my wall wishing it would morph back into the hospital walls. Or my room back at the institute. I know I've said it before, but I literally want to be ANYWHERE but here.

A loud knock forces my attention back to the door.

"Come in.'

Ydrazil walks back in; his long hair swaying in time with his steps. The large man holds his hands in the air in "Ta da" motion. " And…. you're not dressed."

"I'm getting there." God please, please make him stay over there.

"Your father wants to be sure that you dress appropriately." He says "appropriately" with a sarcastic emphasis. Apparently my father doesn't like my clothing. "And that you hurry up. Everyone is seated already… it's rude to make people wait like this."

Since I hate Azazel, I slide on a pair of Tripp pants and ball up a shirt in my fist.

"You plan on putting THAT on?"

"Why does Azazel want me to eat with him?" He hasn't really spent much time doing anything other than telling me what to do.

I mean he comes and sees me like three times a day. Once in the morning, then midday, then before I go to bed. So I suppose that he is holding up his part of the deal.

Yidrazil sighs and shakes out his wings. "He just does."

I don't like not knowing what he wants...his hands are far too quick to go into anything uninformed.

"Kurt," Yidrazil starts slowly. "Do we have to do this the hard way? You're obviously picking out clothing that will not only embarrass your father, but piss him off as well. Do you have to tack on making everyone wait a good hour?"

"Just tell me what he wants!"

The large man shrugs while jerking the shirt from me. "Just get dressed, and go down stairs. There really is nothing hard about this!"

My head is aching all ready.

"Okay little one." he hisses pulling the cloth of my grey shirt over my head roughly, forcing my arms through the holes in jerky motions. "See how easy that is?" He coos patronizingly.

"I wish you'd keep your hands to yourself." I mumble walking over to the plastic mirror. And yes I said plastic. Azazel doesn't trust me with real glass.

Ydrazil laughs. "Not as awkward as having to change your boxers the other night."

Unfazed by his comment, my reflection stares back at me. I look so… unreal. I've lost way too much weight; my eyes have dark circles under them from lack of sleep- I just look so… haunted. My whole appearance is screaming, "therapist needed" at the top of its metaphorical lungs.

"Lookin' a little rough, aren't you little one?"

Coughing, I try to turn around but the man puts a hand on my shoulder, holding me in place. "I think I'll talk to your father about a little more downtime…. Maybe a few more naps."

He spins me around and starts edging me towards the door. The idea of more 'naps' is scary thought. People around here are constantly 'suggesting' that I sleep…. Actually, I can't remember why I'm trying to complain. In actuality, it's quite nice to be able to sleep all day.

With that Yidrazil and I head out the door and down the stairs.

"There you are." Azazel calls happily, stopping half way up the stairs to wait for me. Ydrazil walks right past us into a dark looking hallway. I could swear he was smiling. He rolls his eyes playfully. "And you're wearing THAT."

"I like THIS." I motion to my clothing.

My father just stares at me. "I'm a leader here, Kurt. Everything YOU do reflects on ME, understand?"

I nod, still not moving very quickly.

"Kurt, don't try me today." Azazel says surprisingly flat after all of the teasing.

I stop moving completely.

Azazel stomps up the stairs and grabs my arm.

"Get off." I say coldly. Azazel continues to pull on my arm- his long red fingers completely devouring my small blue wrist. "Let go!"

Of course he doesn't listen. My father pulls, and pulls, grunting in effort.

Out of desperation, I kick him hard in the stomach. Not the brightest move on my part..

A look of utter shock crosses Azazel's face. Unfortunately, the shock fades to anger faster than normal.

Quick fact. Anger on a demonic looking man's face is scarier than anything I've ever seen. No wonder Bobby never stays around me when I'm angry...

Azazel jerks my arm behind me and throws me down the stairs. Just like that. This is followed by a loud, "Don't you EVER strike me again!"

The world spins over and over until all I can feel is the motion. The intense swirl of color is making me nauseous.

I come to a hard stop on top of my left arm. The nausea is three times as worse when mixed with pain.

A loud crack and my own screaming are all I hear. Some sick little sound track to my life I guess.

"Oh my, poor, poor little Kurt." Azazel mocks as he walks casually down the stairs. "Let's see it." He orders yanking me off the ground and turning me to face him in mid air.

"Oww..."

"Oh," Azazel's face is in mock surprise, "I think it's broken."

"No shit it's broken!" I scream at him, half in pain, and half in annoyance.

My father's eyes cloud over. "That wasn't very respectful Kurt." He bends the broken arm behind my back, making tears trail down my face even though I try to stop them. "Now," Azazel whispers quietly into my ear.

"Azazel! Stop please. STOP! I'll do what you want...I'll-"

"Shush now Kurt," He brushes some of the hair hanging in my face from in front of my eyes. "I'm trying to talk son, it's very, very rude of you to keep interrupting me." He waits for me to respond, but all I can get out is a strangled cry. "Good. Now, we're going to behave aren't we?" I nod vigorously. "And we'll do what we're asked, won't we?"

Another nod. God this is ridiculous.

"Azazel? Kurt? What's going on in here?" Ydrazil comes from the dungeon passage he departed too not so long ago. "I can hear Kurt screaming from all the way across the castle."

"We're bonding." Azazel violently pushes my arm back in front of me. "Kurt's just getting a little… upset."

I can't help but scream again.

Azazel strokes my hair like you would a little kid or -better yet- a psycho. "That one hurt, didn't it?" He asks in a gentle yet teasing manner. "I shouldn't have done that… but we couldn't let it heal like that- could we? You wanted to use it again, didn't you?" He turns to Yidrazil, speaking in a much harsher tone. "Get me some cloth to bind up his arm."

"Whatever you say." Ydrazil says moodily before heading off into another chamber.

"Shh," Azazel tries to silence my whimpering. "I'm going to fix it, little one. Daddy's going to make it all better." Even I can tell that he's being sarcastic.

"You shouldn't have broken it!" I snap through anger and (annoyingly enough) tears.

Azazel goes back to stroking my hair. "Well you needed this little… accident, to teach you some manners."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"It does. You've been very disrespectful over the last few days."

"Maybe because you never asked if I wanted to live with you. You just assumed you knew what was best for me. Like I was some kind of animal." An odd feeling settles over me. "I'm no one's pet." I say quietly, more tears dripping down my face.

He almost responds but Ydrazil comes back in with the requested cloth. My father's expression says volumes, though.

"Here." He tosses it to Azazel.

"Right, now hold still."

"Or…?" I feel like being a pain now that I know he probably won't try to hurt me again…. probably. The tears are still on my face… and he's still trying to 'soothe' me- so he won't be hitting me anytime soon.

"OR, it'll hurt worse and you'll be in more pain." Azazel says shortly.

"Oh." Pain is more than enough of a reason for me to do what he says.

I try to keep my mind on something other than the intense waves of pain going through my arm, by making fun of Azazel in my head. God I hope he doesn't hear any of this because he'd probably throw me down the stairs again.

Azazel is surprisingly gentle when he binds up the arm. I flinched only once, and he just laughed.

"There." He says softly once he's finished. "I'll get you some medicine for it after lunch. Would you like that little one?" I don't know if he actually expects me to respond to that. Yet, after my little crying spell, I can't really demand that he treat me as an adult- can I?

"Now can we eat?" Ydrazil flexes his muscular arms over his head, a bored gesture.

"Yes, Ydrazil, now we can eat." Azazel pulls me gently to my feet, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Where are we going?"

"To the dinning hall." Azazel tightens his grip. "We're going to eat, which is a synonym for dining, thus we go to the "dining hall." You see how that works Kurt?"

Of course, like me, most people in my family are smart asses. You can just imagine how much fun get togethers are.

* * *

The dinning hall is a huge dark room, lit dimly by over a thousand hanging candles. Azazel's not big on the whole electricity craze.

Though as big as the room is, it only contains a singular long square table with hundreds of chairs and my father's throne scattered around it. The windows in the room are high up, unreachable unless I was to climb up the wall.

Azazel slightly shoves me into the chair next to his throne, by Gyene and Jillian. Then the fussing begins.

The servants are quick to bring me all sorts of shit that not only do I NOT want, but I won't use either.

"My liege…" The woman stands beside me, holding a tray. "Would you prefer to eat something light while we're preparing the other food?" Other men and women are pretty quick to crowd around. Hands are pushing on me, putting things in front of me- it's annoying. Jillian and Ydrazil are both laughing their asses off at the sight.

"He's fine." Azazel snaps to his 'employees'. "Leave us."

Just as I think I'm going to get a break, the 'family' starts in on me.

"You look like you've been crying." Jillian starts.

"He and Azazel were "bonding"." Remarks Ydrazil. "Kurt's having a little bit of hard time 'adjusting' to that. He's had a little… upset, if you will."

'Upset'? No. What I had was abuse. Not that anyone cares.

"I see." Jillian is staring at me really hard, which is weird because I think she might be my aunt…

"Vas?

She smiles. "You just look so much like your mother." Azazel smiles too. "It's the eyes I think." She continues. The conversation is making me nervous, lucky for me it ended when the servants brought out the rest of the food.

This unfortunately meant another meal that I'd have to pretend to eat... The meal was some kind of meat and bread; at least for me, Azazel had more.

I could already see I'd have trouble eating it, or cutting it at least. Since now, thanks to my loving father, I only have one usable arm. It's bad enough to be missing two fingers...but a whole arm? You're out of your fucking mind.

I spend what feels like five minutes fighting with this when Azazel notices and tries to intervene.

He reaches over to take the knife- that is plastic, not helping in the least. "Here, let me -"

"I can do it."

"No seriously let me-" He's getting angrier.

"I can handle it!"

People around us are starting to laugh.

"Kurt, stop being so damn stubborn." Azazel hisses in a hoarse whisper.

By now I've given up on the knife and am in the process of ripping it with my hand and tail.

Suddenly out of nowhere, he leans over and slaps my hand.

I'm almost too shocked to respond. "Did you just pop me?" I'd expected something more violent.

He nodded his head shyly, "Well last time I was rough with you, I broke your arm and you cried."

"I didn't cry." I lie weakly.

"You did, you begged me to stop." He states honestly.

"YOU BROKE MY ARM!" I tried to reason. My cheeks are burning.

Everyone in the room is laughing... Completely humiliating.

He pulls my plate over to his and cuts it. I don't know why it bugs me so much, but it does.

"There." He smiles and gives it back, "eat."

Pushy bastard.

I played around with it for about ten minutes while the adults went back to their conversations.

I preferred being at the 'kiddy' table, where I was out of sight, and ignored. Being ignored in front of everyone is just embarrassing.

"Kurt." Azazel gets my attention without interrupting everyone else's conversations. A trick only a master party host guy person could ever pull off. "I've been thinking."

Oh joy, I can tell this will be good.

"When the professor comes to visit today, why don't you go on and tell him all about your horrible fainting spell down the stairs? An episode like that is something I believe he should be aware of, especially if you're going to be on his team again."

How surprising. Azazel doesn't want the professor to know that he abused me. Fathers are so predictable.

"What if I want to tell him that you pushed me instead?" I argue back half heartily, seeing as I can't win.

"Now why would you want to do that?" He smiled when he said it, but I could hear the boiling anger that lies underneath. The acid ready to explode on me in the shape of an angry fist.

"I don't know, maybe they'd take me home."

Azazel laughs. "Take you home and check you back into a hospital at the first available moment."

"OH..." I hadn't though of it like that.

"Oh." He says smugly placing his forefinger to his temple, which lets me know that I'm missing something.

A few seconds later a servant appears holding something. She bows deeply and gives the object, which turns out to be a syringe, to Azazel.

He smiles again. "Also you won't tell him that viscous lie against me, because I have this."

"So?" I ask felling as stupid as I sound.

"So, don't you want to know what it is?"

This is getting painfully annoying. "What is it?"

"A very strong pain killer." Azazel says smoothly. "You want this," he brandishes the needle, "to take care of that." He motions to my arm.

"Oh… well if you put it that way…."

"That's my boy." He chuckles. "Give me your arm."

I hesitate for two reasons. One, I don't trust him as far as I could throw him and two this is my only functioning arm.

"How do I know that you aren't lying?"

"I'm not." Azazel says, smiling.

"But how do I know that?" I continue to press.

"You trust me." He's not laughing now.

"How can I trust you after you just threw me down the stairs?"

"You can trust me because I'm your father." Azazel snaps.

"Only by blood." I mumble.

Azazel has the grace to look a hurt. "Now why would you go and say that?" he asks lowering his voice.

I don't answer him.

"Well?" he pushes.

Sighing loudly I hold out my arm.

"So be it." Azazel smiles while picking up the needle. "You do know that eventually you are going to answer all of my questions, right?"

That makes me smile a little. "Eventually, maybe." He stabs my arm a little harder than necessary, but not enough to bring any extreme pain.

At the moment of injection, I know something is wrong. Just a feeling. Every cell in my body is in panic mode now.

The feeling intensifies as the moments tick by. Hot, needle like pain starts to rush through my veins, growing every second.

"What's this?" I cry doubling over in pain.

The room is spinning, faster and faster. On top of the lovely dizziness my arm decided to let me know just how hurt it is.

Sometime during that pain, I ended up on the floor. Right next to about twenty or so dozen pairs of feet.

Azazel stands over me smiling. "Kurt, relax, nothing is wrong. This just means that the potion is working."

"You said that was a pain killer!" I scream up at him.

"It is."

"Like Hell it is!"

"It's a potion that's draining out all of your energy. Once it's done, you're going to sleep like a baby. Thus, too tired to be in pain. Get it?"

The pain is all over my body now. "I'm sorry. Where I come from when we say we're giving someone a painkiller there usually is no pain involved. Surely you can understand my confusion!" I scream at him sarcastically.

Azazel chuckles again. "It's so good that you might even sleep through the professor's visit."

My vision starts to go black, and the pain disappears completely.

* * *

I'm sleeping so well. The world is at peace for the first time in a long time. And I'm so warm and comfortable... I've decided to stay like this… forever. Yea, that sounds about right… forever is a reasonable time, isn't it?

Then out of nowhere, it starts to go fuzzy.

I panic and try to get the peaceful felling back; but it's gone. I wake up to people around me. The number of people seems to double when I sit up. I almost panicked until I realized that it was just me seeing double.

"Here he is." Azazel says cheerfully while looming over me. "Good evening Kurt."

Warren and the professor direct their attention to me.

Angel makes a low whistling noise. "You look like shit." I would love to say "You're one to talk" But Warren is dressed for a GQ cover. No joke. He's done three of them. Right now his is a form fitting black suit jacket, his wings accenting it nicely. He may even be outdoing the professor, who's wearing a turtleneck and a pair of jeans.

"Warren." The professor warns with a joking manner as he motions for me to lie back down.

"Here." Azazel thrust a glass at me. "Gyene says that you're dehydrated."

I wonder why. Couldn't be because of the father of the year, could it?

I sit up and take the cup, sipping something that I could have sworn was water. Once the liquid is in my mouth, I promptly spit it on the floor. "What is this?"

"Nutrients, calcium, and water." Azazel informs. "And don't spit on my floor, it's rude."

Still smiling the professor turns back to me. "I talked with the hospital today, they told me that they've found a doctor willing to come and treat you." He says like that's good news.

"Joy." I cheer sarcastically.

Azazel pops the side of my arm with the back of his hand. "Behave." He teases.

The professor raises an eyebrow while leaning forward in his chair. "You two seem to be getting along better."

"Oh yes, in fact, I don't feel depressed at all now. So why don't I just come home with you, and save everyone some time?" I ask sitting up to look him in the eyes.

Azazel laughs and pushes me back to the mattress. "Such a joker. He never shuts up." He strokes my head calmingly. "So creative too."

"You can come home in three months." The professor says while looking nervously around my darkened bedroom.

"Vas?"

"Three months is how long your treatment is suspected to last." He restates.

"Three months? I might not be alive in three months!"

Professor Xavier laughs. "Surely spending time with your father isn't that bad. I had my own doubts at first, but seeing this now, I'm completely sure that this is the best place for you to be."

"You don't understand…. Look at my arm!" I jump a little remembering that I have proof. I struggle to sit up again, and shove my arm in his face.

"I've seen it." He says softly. "It's a bad break." The Professor gently pushes the arm away while staring at me with that "are you going to flip out again?" look.

"Ja, and," I try to say that Azazel did it but those words didn't come out. "I broke it falling down the stairs." March themselves from my lips. I look at Azazel who'd forced his lie from my mouth.

"Yes you did Kurt." He smiles at the professor. "I told him to watch his footing, he tumbled right off. Poor thing must have cried for an hour straight. Took three of us to hold him down long enough for me to set it."

I'm dumbfounded at my father's behavior.

If he's going to lie, and make me lie while he's at it, shouldn't I sound more badass? Like, "I broke it wrestling a baby away from a steroid maddened alligator." or something. Not "I had to be coddled by my father after falling down the stairs." I've never been really into the church to scene, but I'm sure they'd say my pride (the thing that makes me want to sound so bad assed) would be my downfall or something.

The professor laughs.

"But I didn't… he didn't.. he …." The room is starting to spin again; I have to lie back down.

"Oh, look Kurt, you've gone and worn yourself out already." Azazel coos as he rubs my stomach with the side of his tail, adding just a bit a pressure to say that I'd pay for trying to tell.

"Yes, I think you need more rest." The professor is taking my fathers side.

Azazel has got him in his pocket and I can't get home on my own. This isn't fair. How dare he?

"I don't need rest! I need to go home!" I protest dizzily getting to my feet and walking over to the dresser, holding on to it for support.

"Calm down Kurt," Azazel gently guides me back to the bed by grabbing my shoulders and forcing me in that direction. "You don't want to faint again do you?" His voice remains calm, but there's a dark undertone that said he'd make sure I didn't wake up for another day or so if I didn't cut it out. I want to slap him in the face for threatening me without threatening me. I hate all of this diplomatic trickery bullshit.

"He fainted?" Inquires the professor.

"Oh yes, it was a terribly horrifying ordeal for him." Azazel continues with his lies.

"I didn't faint!"

"As you can see, he's truly embarrassed by it. But you would be too if you'd pissed yourself in front of all those people." He shoots me a little look. As if saying 'let me show you just how bad this can get'.

"I didn't...professor please listen to me...I-" They all stare at me with that "Oh look at the poor confused Nightcrawler" look in their eyes. Instantly I hate them all.

"Well then," The professor pats my hand comfortingly, "we'll let you get back to sleep. I'll come see you in three days or so." He smiles. "Try not to break anything else."

I can't believe that Azazel is a more powerful telepath than Xavier… it's just too odd of a concept for me to even consider.

"Let me walk you out." Azazel says politely.

Angel waves bye from the door. As they leave Azazel turns around and says oh so fatherly, "I'll be back to help you get ready for bed in a minute Kurt, try not to fall asleep just yet."

Then it hits me...Azazel is going to kill me for trying to make him look bad, and there isn't anything I can do. I'm way too weak to fight with him... or even protect myself at this point.

I pull myself up from bed and end up landing on my arm. I don't have enough energy to get up so I lay there on my wooden floor, getting a great view of the layers of dust under my bed.

I guess this is what a pancake feels like. I'll remember this the next time I eat breakfast.

I spend five or so minutes trying to get off the floor, and not moving an inch. Then the door slowly creaks open.

"Kurt?" Azazel's puzzled voice comes from above me. "What are you doing on the floor?"

"You're going to kill me now, right?" I ask weakly.

He stares at me in awe.

"Could you maybe just snap my neck? Make it quick?" Azazel doesn't respond, just keeps staring down at me. "What are you waiting for?" I ask weakly. "I won't scream- I probably deserve it."

He just shakes his head and scoops me off the floor into his arms. "This has to be from your mother's side." He grumbles.

I don't think I've ever been this close to him. Azazel smells like rain and smoke at the same time, which is kind of a weird smell for a guy. But weird in a comforting way. Almost like I could fall asleep just laying on him.

I wince when he turns around to fast.

"Relax Kurt. I'm not going to hurt you." He laughs a little. "I'm going to get you ready for bed, just like any other father would."

Hmmm…. Something is off. I don't know what yet, but something is off.

He lays me on the bed softly. I almost want to stay in his arms; almost.

"How about a little light?" he says softly. The candelabrum springs to life in the form of a tiny blaze. "That's better."

Azazel pats the bed softly with his tail like he's thinking.

"Now for you." He walks over to the small dresser my things are in, and starts to go through my clothes.

"What are you doing?" I ask as he pulls out my sweat pants.

"Picking out your clothes." He turns around holding up the pants. "These should do."

It's so weird to see him being slightly domestic, I mean here's a guy that once conquered most of his world and he's trying to decide what kind of pants I should wear to bed. It's one of those moments when I wish I had a camera to show him how odd it was.

"Can you dress yourself?" He turns to look at me.

Azazel's eyes hold a softer glow than usual, like he's thinking about something upsetting. I wonder what the professor said to him to make him act like this.

That makes me laugh. "I know you've missed a lot Azazel, but I'm sixteen now. I can do pretty much everything on my own."

"But have you ever done it this weak before?" He frowns looking at me. "And you can call me "dad" or something Kurt. You don't have to be so formal."

I try to take my shirt off to prove that I can, but my arm keeps getting in my way. Then I bent it the wrong way, and ended up getting stuck. "I'll stick with Azazel." I mutter from my containment.

"You're really good at this." Azazel mockingly cheers from across the room while walking over to me.

"Be careful." I whine as he manages to get me unstuck from the shirt. He starts to go for the button on my pants, but I stop him.

Some things you do for yourself even when you're hurt. "That, I think I'll do myself."

He laughs. It takes about four or five long frustrating minutes, but I do it. He helps me slip into the sweat pants. "Done." I say exhausted.

"Lights." Azazel calls again.

The room dims.

"Thank you." I say awkwardly.

"I'll see you in the morning, little one."

"Okay." Now I'm even more awkward.

"Sleep well." He calls before closing the door. Almost like a father in a sitcom would- I guess. I've never really been in a situation with a man who was playing that role for only me. I mean the professor is kind of a father figure, but you wouldn't let him in on your deepest secrets or tuck you in... I'm just a little out of my element.

* * *

The night fades in and out through a series of nightmares.

I wake up way too early soaked in sweat and climb out of bed into complete darkness.

"Light?"

The flames of the candelabra spring to life.

Not wanting to stay in my room I take one of the long slender candles and start to roam down the halls, trying desperately to remember where the bathroom is.

I can't get over the professor leaving me here. It's like he couldn't see the bruises or something. I can't believe he didn't listen to me when I asked to go home. He's never blown me off like that before...I have to shake my head to get it clear.

In no time I'm at the front door of the castle.

The old clock on the top of the staircase says its 3:45 AM which means that everyone else is probably asleep. But I wouldn't put it past someone to be creeping around at night to guard the castle and Azazel, I guess.

I don't remember walking to the front door, but I know that this is a sign. I can get out of here and use one of the portals to try to contact Nils, who probably wouldn't know why I'm here and let me out.

I reach to open the door, when it starts to swing towards me. I jump back so it doesn't hit me.

"Kurt?" Jillian asks clearly confused by my being here.

I stare up at her, trying to look innocent.

"Why are you trying to get out of the castle this late?"

I fumble for words. (English is hard when you're stressed) "I'm- I'm allowed out of the castle, right?"

She smiles a little. "Of course you are, little one. But not without an adult."

"What were you doing outside this late?" I quickly try to turn this around on her, hoping it will work like it does in the movies.

"I was on guard duty." Jillian smiles again. "What are you doing up?"

I'm starting to shake a little. I don't like confrontations where I'm the one in the wrong.

"I was looking for the bath room."

"This isn't the bathroom."

"Ja, well I know that now."

Jillian remains in front of the heavy wooden door. "You should probably get back to bed."

No, this isn't working. I need a new plan.

"Actually, I'm not that sleepy any more. I was thinking that a walk outside would put me back to sleep." Smooth and calm. Got to keep smooth and calm, if she catches on to what I'm trying to do, she'll tell Azazel.

"No I think you need to go back to bed. You look exhausted enough to sleep." She smiles sweetly while straightening her long blue hair between her fingers. "Come on, I'll walk you back to your room."

"But- I'd like to go outside first. I've never been outside the castle and I think it'd be cool to see at night."

"Oh, I see. And I should let you out because?"

"Because Azazel is my father?" I question more than demand.

"And you think I'll be punished for not obeying you just because of that?"

"I- I think…"

"You think?" I don't have anything to come back with.

"If you haven't noticed it yet Kurt, he doesn't even particularly like you. I don't think you'll be able to use his name for anything."

That hurt a little. I didn't expect a "Full House" experience when I came here, but I thought that maybe we were getting a little close.

"Go to bed." Jillian orders softly, her expression softening instantly.

I take the stairs two at a time and run straight into my room, falling into bed more depressed than I left it.

I can't believe I'm in the same house with the man I've thought about my whole life, and he doesn't even care that I'm here. It's just depressing to think that all of things other kids got to do with their dads I didn't, just because he didn't care about me.

I feel like I want ought to give suicide another shot. I mean what doesn't kill you the first time usually secedes the second time around. I could go for my throat this time. I start to look around my room for a tool but it's successfully suicide proofed. Maybe I should just sneak down and get one of the mounted swords form the weaponry, no one would be guarding that.

"Ah, but the weaponry is locked at this time of night." Azazel calls, lounging against my doorframe.


End file.
